Boob

Is there any other female body part that arouses more emotion in women as the breasts? Love it or hate it, a woman can never remain indifferent to her breasts. I think it is because nothing defines femininity physically more than breasts. The ass and ovaries are a distant second and third.

It's kind of like the female version of penises. There's the cliche of men naming their johnsons. Heidi Klum has named hers Hans(R) and Franz(L). I would not be surprised if well-endowed women privately name theirs, too.

As for me, breasts have always aroused an emotion. When I was stick-skinny, I always felt insecure with my figure. I especially cursed my flat sixteen-year-old chest. As I grew older and my body started to fill out, I was proud of them and flaunted them any chance I could get.

The thing is, what are breasts for, actually? Men have them but they don't really serve any special purpose.

Germany has taught me to make use of everything I have. I have taken to planting herbs and trying to kill my husband's useless ornamental thorn collection. I hate useless objects that don't really add anything to my quality of life (designer bags do not belong to this category. They will always be useful. Always, you hear?).

Then I had Antonio. Suddenly, my A/borderline B bust became C in a matter of months. They've never been so huge! Then I started nursing. I have to say that I have a love-hate relationship with nursing.I love nursing, because being a cow feels so useful. My breasts have a purpose. A raison d' etre for the grief and ecstasy aroused by my bosom. I would like to breastfeed as long as I could. I would like to be a professional wet nurse, nourishing an army of famished children with my fountains of nourishment. Alas, breastfeeding also means being chained to a child for hours on end. There were times when I would impatiently look at my child and plead for my freedom. Well, there is the breast pump, right?

Not to mention that leaking breasts make for awkward sex. Going into this, I didn't know that milking boobies leak. They leak when a baby cries. The left one leaks when the right one is being sucked. They leak when they're exposed to fucking air. Air.

Nursing is an intense experience, but in no way sexual for me. Milk spurting out is for me unsexy. We unfortunately don't swing that way. So here we go again.

Love 'em or hate 'em, There is no way I can remain indifferent to my breasts.