Egypt On My Mind

One of the benefits of living in Germany is that I have established friendships with a more diverse mix of foreigners than I have in the Philippines.

These recent riots in Egypt have been given a personal face by my friend Azza (not her real name), who is worried sick for her family in Cairo. She and her husband had lived in Egypt, and moved back here. The journalist part of myself is pumped, saying damnedfuckwhyamInotinCairo? As a Filipino, I see many parallels between what is happening in Egypt now and what happened in the Philippines in 1986. Yes, I am old enough to remember the end of Marcos rule and the shaky first Aquino administration. As an expat, I understand her worry.

She has said that she has an agreement with her parents that they have to miss call her phone every two hours as a sign that they're fine. She tries to call them back, but because the mobile signal comes and goes in waves, she hasn't always been successful. Government has all but cut off internet, and one sole provider, who services 8 percent of the country, still has its servers open. People are digging out their old modems and go dial up to at least have some form of connection on-line.

But her parents are not telling her the whole truth. Her sister, in a rage, called her because mom and dad were not picking up the phone. Her Sister told her everything that her parents have kept from her. That she (the sister) tried to go to work but police blocked all roads. She went out of her car to see what was going on and the police clubbed her head for daring to ask a question. She was able to go to work but is now trapped at the office. That was a week ago. Looters have been taking advantage of the absence of the menfolk and have been stealing from homes while holding the female residents at gunpoint. Because of this, grassroots-level neighborhood watches have been organized, since they can't trust the police to help them. And her brother has gone to the streets, which is even more dangerous.

She also says that rioting is starting to spread nationwide, which is a surprise to me since normally, revolutions mainly take place in the capital. Although I imagine that the more remote parts of Egypt have been spared from the breakdown of order.

I've been watching Al Jazeera "the only network that doesn't get its news from the hotel balcony," she says, and I am just gripped by what has been happening over there. I'm also worried for Egypt's economy. I know that the income gap is huge in Egypt, and I understand why Egypt's prosperity is not yet trickling down to the poorest of the poor, but I would feel so frustrated if I were Egyptian, since they are the largest economy in North Africa. I also personally feel heartbroken for Egypt's archeologists. Azza told me that the human shield protecting the museums, formed by people who care for Egypt's heritage, has been broken apart by violence. Who knows what's going on in there now. Apparently, the military is guarding the museum now .

Have you been riveted by what's happening in Egypt as I have been? I guess once a news junkie...

Things I Wished I Thought About...

When I first set off from Manila on June 13, 2006, I wasn't thinking, here is the beginning of the rest of my life. Here, I would start my new life. Sure, I sold off all my appliances and stuff, but it was mostly to finance my German lessons, and the adventure of it all had me in a thrall.

Four years and one kid later, I look at my son and realize with sadness that he will not grow up Filipino. Strange but true. I never thought I would end up thinking this, but somehow, knowing that he will probably not appreciate the art of eating dried fried squid dipped in vinegar, makes me sad.

I think that my husband realizes this too just now. That Antonio will not be German-German. He will be somewhere in between. He realizes now that there are some things that will always remain alien between us, and my realization that our son will have to negotiate this murky path towards identity alone, saddens me. It is difficult enough to find youself with both parents sharing a nationality. Who knows, maybe in the end he will embrace this in between two worlds identity of his.

I wish I had thought about the fucked up German school system. While it is good (if you use PISA rankings as a yardstick), I feel so sad to think about the enourmous pressure it puts children under. I mean, sure, I knew I wanted to be a writer when I was 12, but I feel it is cruel to pose that question to 6th graders. Not everyone knows what they want to be at that age. And to peg someone as a failure if they don't make Gymnasium? That is harsh. I want my child to have a childhood, like I had.

I wish that I could give my son the gift of three months of doing nothing. Summer vacation here is only eight weeks long, and falls on September--dab smack during the rainy season in the Philippines. How can he enjoy going back home when all he has rain, while knowing it is summer back in Germany? He will never know the pleasure of a chilly, rainy, tropical bed weather, so welcome after a scorching summer.

The best I can do is to show him, "son, this is what it means to be Filipino." I can give him my nationality (at least until he is 18) I can show him what it means to be Filipino (which not a lot of my countrymen have the luxury to think about). Then I can hope.

Time for a cool change

Thinking about the changes that have happened in my life, and the changes happening in my life right now have made me think: Maybe it's time to accept that I'm not who I used to be. I am a mom. I like cooking. I live a boring suburban life now.

Maybe it's time to incorporate that on my blog too.