Pop that Cherry!

* Warning: Adult Content

During a recent Toastmasters seminar on injecting humor into a speech, the facilitator asked us to form groups and share our fears. He said that these fears will be great source material for humor.

You all know the geeky guy, right? There is one in every school, in every clique, in every office. The thin, lanky, most probably bespectacled one who is so wrapped up in his work/interests that he doesn't have time for girls. The one whom everyone predicts will be an old bachelor. Well, this particularly geeky guy admitted to the group that his biggest fear is that he'll wind up as "a 40-year old virgin."

Another discussion late Monday night with my roomates, over another geeky guy, made me wonder about the premium men put over virginity. I know that doing something for the first time is monumental, but I feel that this worldwide obsession at becoming somebody's "first" in the sack has more to do with the male ego than with actual "purity."

I did not particularly enjoy my first time. I did it more as a rebellion toward society, toward my Catholic upbringing that mandated that I remain "chaste" until I marry. I didn't buy that for one bit because I was surrounded by unhappy people who did everything right, who had sex upon marriage and followed everything that was supposed to make them happy. Yet, they ended up separated from their spouses, bitter and vindictive. I stupidly decided that this had to end. I must not be a virgin by age 20. Then I got a boyfriend when I was 19. A varsity soccer player in my school who was born and raised in Ghana, of Filipino descent. He was, uh, okay. He did the thing in increments, so as not to shock my system. I don't really know if he--or if I was any good. I just remember that it triggered in me a whirlwind of confusion that added to my already unstable mental state at the time. And this lasted for about three to four years of absolute craziness. I consider it a mistake on my part, but in hindsight, I think that it did a lot to help me "grow up."

I don't know if guys really enjoy popping cherries in a non-ego related way, but I don't really enjoy popping guy's cherries. Really, guy virgins are...hmmm. Weird.

One of my exes said that I was his first. He later proved to be a cheat and a liar so I don't really believe what he said. However, I have been the "second" of two guys.

The first one. I was 23. He was 19. He was a varsity arnis player for the green school along Taft. (haha!)With his trained, buff chest and arms from hours and hours of martial-arts stick fighting, he was really strong. We were both anime freaks.

I was impressed by his size. It was huge for a Pinoy! However, his gifts in the equipment department was unfortunately overshadowed by his lack of skills. He tended to move his entire body, not just his pelvis. You remember the Sex in the City episode where Carrie had a guy who was a "jackrabbit?"* Yeah, that. And he liked to flop his dense, muscular body on top of me after exhausting himself. I would lie there. As I felt myself slowly suffocate, I would strain to say "get off me *pant* please"

I tried coaching him. Later, with a pillow, I guided his hips, like a good teacher should. "Yes. please. use your pelvis. Only your pelvis. Hop along, thrust. Yes!" Apparently, he didn't take instruction very well. He accused me of stealing his mother's watch as his weird "escape option" because he couldn't bring himself to say "break na tayo." In retaliation, I did not return his comic book collection. Bwahaha.

The second guy also had the weird jackrabbit thing going as well. As we were knocking boots, the headboard started banging the wall so heavily, one would think that a jackhammer was demolishing the wall behind us. I lay there, and I was like hey, okay, relax! Thankfully for him, he actually asked what he should be doing, and he was a very good student. He actually developed into one of the best lovers I have had.

So in conclusion, virgin guys are usually so happy to be actually doing a woman that they think a vagina has the same qualities as their right (or left) hand. Be gentle, my dear virgin men. relax. Breathe. Rough sex does not automatically mean good sex!

*a jackrabbit is a guy who basically masturbates using a vagina instead of his hand.

Against My Skin

I never noticed it until Thomas pointed it out--I, and my fellow Filipinos--are racist against our own skin.

It elicited an outraged "What?" from me, and it led to one of our great cultural debates, where I began to see things from his perspective, and hopefully, his to mine. In the next couple of months, I slowly realized the sad truth behind his observation.

Before Thomas, I had gone out on a couple of dates with white guys, one was pleasant, one was not so. In my limited contact with foreigners, mostly Americans and Canadians, I was shocked with the condescending behavior most of them regarded Fiipinos. I really got on the defensive whenever they would buy me presents and treat me to dinners, because I also had this pre-conception at the back of my head that they might think that they were "buying" me.

I could not blame them, nor myself. In the Philippines, people discriminate against the women branded as "mukhang katulongs," or literally "a girl who looks like a domestic helper." There is an immediate pre-conceived notion that an Asian woman+Caucasian male= Mail order bride, or prostitute. As I mentioned in my 'Yan and Pinay post, I do not begrudge them for this sad economic reality, but the truth is, I really do feel that the YAP will only lead to further discrimination of Filipinas because we bought in to the discrimination. It is a no-win situation--Filipinos against Filipinos. It really is a situation that, I believe, we brought upon ourselves.

Thomas is really frustrated at my seeming reluctance to move to Germany. Of course, I am reluctant , because I have an entire life here in the Philippines that is not undesirable. But he pointed out something else--my belief that German embassy officials will make things hard for me because I am Filipino is clearly a chip on my shoulder, my belief that I will be treated less favorably because I am Filipino. Perhaps, he is right.

I see this discrimination even in my own family. My aunt's behavior of expecting Thomas to finance my life is clearly borne from this perception.

In my month-long travel around the country, people would impolitely assume that I met Thomas through the internet or through some pen-pal community. From Ilocos to Bohol, people would ask if I met him through a chatroom. Where? Could I go to this website? No matter how I explained that we met in the Philippines through work, no body would believe me. A tricycle driver in Vigan directly asked me through what web service did I meet Thomas, immediately assuming that we met through the internet, without even asking me how we met. When I told him that we met through work, my office was two buildings away from his he replied, "Aah...ganun. Anong gamit niyo, Yahoo o Hotmail?" (Oh. So what webservice do you use? Yahoo! or Hotmail?)

In the Visayas, people would ask me what penpal service I used to snag my man. It was hilarious, but very telling of the mentality of our countrymen. To them, I was not a Filipina. I was desperate to get wealthy. (Ha! If they only knew!)

In Carmen, Bohol, after camping on top of a Chocolate Hill, Thomas and I bought a coke from the store at the foot of the hill. The store-keeper, apparently alerted of Thomas' presence from the locals the night before, was obviously disappointed that he had company. "Ay, may kasama pala!" She them proceeded to introduce us to her sister and niece, both emerging from the front door with wet hair fresh from the shower. One of the girls came out with just a bathing towel on. Thankfully, Thomas expressed disinterest. Inside, I felt fury and mirth. Mirth because the situation was indeed funny. Fury because the woman was practically pimping her relatives! A look around their community, however, made me understand why they felt that a union with a white man is their only way out.

Because of my travels, I no longer begrudge the pairings of the young Pinay with the old white geezer. Hopefully, my mind will expand a little more if I leave of the country (temporarily!). When you think about it, it really benefits the country. Old men who would not get a second look in their country team up with young women who would never get a second look in our country create a better, and hopefully, a more loving life together. The world could always use a little love. If not, at least they can help populate the country with Assunta de Rossis.

OMG Amazing Race Scandal!

You know guys that I am a mucho Amazing Race effing junkie!!! I would've joined the damned thing if Thomas were here!!!

I am a devout reader of Michael K's D Listed blog and saw these amazing photos of the Hippie guys! Shit, I think they're the bomb and I would totally date them! They're so bouyantly weird!

And it seems that they're gay! OMG, Then I would really totally do them? GAAAAAH my fag-hag tendencies are coming to surface again!



According to MK, they were in a party after the race but before the airing!!!! Da sheeet!!! What kind of party is that?????



I mean, the frat boys, I think they're obnoxious, and my gaydar was going totally bling bling with them boys...but they ain't my type