Against My Skin

I never noticed it until Thomas pointed it out--I, and my fellow Filipinos--are racist against our own skin.

It elicited an outraged "What?" from me, and it led to one of our great cultural debates, where I began to see things from his perspective, and hopefully, his to mine. In the next couple of months, I slowly realized the sad truth behind his observation.

Before Thomas, I had gone out on a couple of dates with white guys, one was pleasant, one was not so. In my limited contact with foreigners, mostly Americans and Canadians, I was shocked with the condescending behavior most of them regarded Fiipinos. I really got on the defensive whenever they would buy me presents and treat me to dinners, because I also had this pre-conception at the back of my head that they might think that they were "buying" me.

I could not blame them, nor myself. In the Philippines, people discriminate against the women branded as "mukhang katulongs," or literally "a girl who looks like a domestic helper." There is an immediate pre-conceived notion that an Asian woman+Caucasian male= Mail order bride, or prostitute. As I mentioned in my 'Yan and Pinay post, I do not begrudge them for this sad economic reality, but the truth is, I really do feel that the YAP will only lead to further discrimination of Filipinas because we bought in to the discrimination. It is a no-win situation--Filipinos against Filipinos. It really is a situation that, I believe, we brought upon ourselves.

Thomas is really frustrated at my seeming reluctance to move to Germany. Of course, I am reluctant , because I have an entire life here in the Philippines that is not undesirable. But he pointed out something else--my belief that German embassy officials will make things hard for me because I am Filipino is clearly a chip on my shoulder, my belief that I will be treated less favorably because I am Filipino. Perhaps, he is right.

I see this discrimination even in my own family. My aunt's behavior of expecting Thomas to finance my life is clearly borne from this perception.

In my month-long travel around the country, people would impolitely assume that I met Thomas through the internet or through some pen-pal community. From Ilocos to Bohol, people would ask if I met him through a chatroom. Where? Could I go to this website? No matter how I explained that we met in the Philippines through work, no body would believe me. A tricycle driver in Vigan directly asked me through what web service did I meet Thomas, immediately assuming that we met through the internet, without even asking me how we met. When I told him that we met through work, my office was two buildings away from his he replied, "Aah...ganun. Anong gamit niyo, Yahoo o Hotmail?" (Oh. So what webservice do you use? Yahoo! or Hotmail?)

In the Visayas, people would ask me what penpal service I used to snag my man. It was hilarious, but very telling of the mentality of our countrymen. To them, I was not a Filipina. I was desperate to get wealthy. (Ha! If they only knew!)

In Carmen, Bohol, after camping on top of a Chocolate Hill, Thomas and I bought a coke from the store at the foot of the hill. The store-keeper, apparently alerted of Thomas' presence from the locals the night before, was obviously disappointed that he had company. "Ay, may kasama pala!" She them proceeded to introduce us to her sister and niece, both emerging from the front door with wet hair fresh from the shower. One of the girls came out with just a bathing towel on. Thankfully, Thomas expressed disinterest. Inside, I felt fury and mirth. Mirth because the situation was indeed funny. Fury because the woman was practically pimping her relatives! A look around their community, however, made me understand why they felt that a union with a white man is their only way out.

Because of my travels, I no longer begrudge the pairings of the young Pinay with the old white geezer. Hopefully, my mind will expand a little more if I leave of the country (temporarily!). When you think about it, it really benefits the country. Old men who would not get a second look in their country team up with young women who would never get a second look in our country create a better, and hopefully, a more loving life together. The world could always use a little love. If not, at least they can help populate the country with Assunta de Rossis.