"Its Not the Size of the Wave...Its the Motion of the Ocean"

Author's note: This article was written after certain male readers wanted me to tell them what women really say when they think of men. The opinions cited here are my own. This is strictly a clinical and objective article about a very charged subject. WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE

The penis. This appendage is apparently the source of all joy and insecurity among men. Honestly, as a woman, I don't get this penis-centric mentality. The closest female protrusion that would approximate the feelings men have for their penises are breasts. But when it comes down to the nitty-gritty, breasts aren't really primarily important in the reproductive function. Women can still be attractive without breasts. Just ask breast cancer survivors. Or flat-chested women.

Men are apparently obsessed by it. Whenever conversation with my friends turn into sex, the men in the group will always, always talk about or allude to their little men. Goodness! I guess women aren't really tuned into this whole obsession because most of the time, we just lay there, really. We are at liberty to critique. So probably the onus of giving a wonderful performance in bed falls on men, and when you can't fall back on technique...I guess you focus on size.

From my experiences, whoever coined the phrase "Its' not the size of the wave, but the motion of the ocean" was only half-right. What's the use of great technique when the little man can't get to where he's going? At the opposite end of the spectrum, what's the use of being genetically penile-gifted if you don't know how to use it? If a man isn't willing to listen to women, and unless women actually speak up, a man will never really improve in bed, no matter how many times he's been sexually occupied.

So here are the three things that I feel matter when it comes to the little man.

Length--But of course!
This matters to a certain extent. Whoever said that it doesn't matter is lying to you.
However, too much of a good thing can be bad. I remember one time I had with an ex boyfriend who was a little above-average gifted. However, since he was practically a virgin (I think I was second on his list), his large size made his inadequate performance all the more painful. My sex sprain took three days to heal. Ouch!
So in the right person, size is a good thing. If you ain't that lucky in the genetic lottery, I'm really sorry, because there isn't much that you can do. However, you still have girth working for you.

Girth--As an old Friends episode has revealed, girls talk about girth. I know my sister and I do.
Girth is okay. It does compensate for size a little...but just a little. If your package is a stub, it doesn't really do much, but at least we'll know its in. Again, too much of a good thing is bad. Even if you're good in bed, too much girth will really hurt!
I once had a friend with benefits relationship with someone who has since moved to the US. He wasn't lengthy, but he was a bit thick. We couldn't do certain positions because IT REALLY HURT! Could I emphasize this enough?

Curvature--The little quirks of the human body could be a wonderful thing!
Yes, Virginia, the G-spot does exist. I discovered this fact due to a fortunate accident I had with a lover, who had a package that curiously curved upward. I wasn't very keen on the missionary position, because frankly, it did nothing to rock my world. But with this guy...whoa.The missionary has made me a convert!That was the night that I had my first multiple orgasm. Three times in a row.

These are the three things that matter when it comes to the variables of this part of the male anatomy. If you are a man and inadequate in one of these aspects, don't fret. Hopefully, any guy reading this could try to determine how to best make use of their little quirks to their full advantage.

The Kiss

A man's kiss is his signature. ~Mae West

A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That's basic spelling that every woman ought to know. ~Mistinguett (Jeanne Bourgeois), Theatre Arts, December 1955

The first time I had a real kiss from a guy I really liked happened when I was 17. At the time, all knowledge I had about kissing was anecdotal. I would use my tongue to try to twist a cherry stem into a knot (a skill I perfected at age 19) and would suck the soft flesh of my forearms till it was bruised red and raw. I swooned when the macho hero/boy next door finally kissed the busty femme/girl next door in the volumes of Sweet Dreams and Valentine Romances that filled my bookshelf.

It was everything I thought it was going to be, it was better than I ever imagined. It was fireworks, it was the world buzzing in my ears, it was the knowledge of the forbidden fruit. In fact, in retrospect, it was better than my first sexual experience. I was fortunate to have found myself an experienced kissing partner who had thick lips and knew how to use them.

Then it went all downhill from there.

I've kissed a lot of frogs since that memorable first encounter in my family living room. For one, my technique got better. However, the feeling of that memory ebbed with each guy that followed. Among all the men I've kissed, very few could match that first man's skill, and fewer could arouse the sensations that he did. My next most memorable osculatory exercise happened with that gay guy, who really knew how to plant a knee-weakening smacker on a girl, even if he liked guys better.

Most guys I've kissed probably learned the art of kissing from the instructions they received during "locker-room lessons" with other supposedly more experienced boys. All they probably know about kissing was that they were supposed to put their lips on another pair, plunge your tongue in until you feel your partner's tonsils, then move your lips and tongue around every which way. Horrible. I feel that all those frogs received more action from the crook of their elbow than from a real girl, get my drift? Girls are really doing guys a disservice by refusing to point out their partner's flaws because of shyness, or fear of offending him. I would never hestitate to tell a man that he is a lousy kisser, and instruct him on the fine art of kissing.

The three worst offenders are

Slobberers--Guys who release a cascade of drool on my face and neck

Gnawers--Guys who think that my bottom lip is chewy beef jerky. Dude, whoever told you biting on a girl's bottom lip is sexy was SOOO WRONG! That is okay if done once or twice, but use it upon moderation and depending on the situation.

Hockey players (aka the Gene Simmons)--My tonsils are not a goal to be reached, and the tongue is not supposed to be stiff during a kiss. Our tongues are not battling lightsabers! This is not a contest to learn how far your tongue will go. Activating my gag reflex is not a nice thing to do, believe me.

I believe that I have enough experience in this department to instruct people on how to be a great kisser. So here is what I have to offer to the world to instruct people on how to become great kissers.

Pucker up! Soft lips are the way to go. Try to channel your inner Angelina Jolie. Think that your lips are a cushion to land on.

Be flexible. Go with the flow. Kissing is not an exercise where you have to do three reps of every technique, where there are solid steps to be followed. In fact, there is no one solid technique to kiss. Kissing is an art, where skill meets instinct. Play it by ear. Move your lips to meet where your partner is headed, or comply be his/her unspoken need or demand. Is your partner not giving tongue? Don't force it. Go by it slowly and gently.

When the kissing gets to its most intense, I feel that people suck by instinct. Give in to the sucking, but don't overdo it. A hoover belongs on the neck, not in the mouth, unless you want to swallow a gallon of your partner's spit. If you don't mind it, or if you even like it, you have a weird fetish and are a sick, sick person.

A kiss doesn't solely belong on the lips. There are other body parts that get lonely too.

Be creative! Have fun! A kiss is supposed to be enjoyed! It is the interlude before things to come.

Do it with passion! Kisses convey more than what you think they do. Think about Jesus receiving the kiss of betrayal from Judas. Your partner can definitely feel whether you feel awkward or are not 100 percent present. If you know little about kissing, do not hesitate to play student. Your partner will not think that you're a loser just because you don't know how to kiss properly. This could lead to role-playing, and everyone knows how sexy that can get.

A kiss can mean a lot of things. It can convey joy, anger, love, fear. It can be an effective mood-alterer, and it makes foreplay more interesting. A kiss is loaded with symbolism and meaning, so never ever underestimate the power of a kiss. Honestly, I haven't received a decent or memorable kiss in a very long time. I feel that guys think more about technique than focus on pleasuring the person they're kissing. I do love to kiss people. I hope that the next decent romantic kiss I receive will contain all the fireworks the world has to offer, will wire me in to all the possibilities of the universe.

Until then, with bated breath. MWAH!

The Global Village

As the world knows by now, a giant tsunami has devastated the coasts lying along the Indian Ocean rim. But apart from the tragedy that has befallen more than 500,000 people, I am more amazed at how the human spirit has triumphed over this tragedy, proving that while we can't totally beat mother nature, the human race will always fight back, and survive amidst most terrible adversaries.

As I see the tragedy unfold before the whole world, through the TV screen, newspapers, the internet, and the radio, it is apparent that modern technology has made the whole world a village, a community where people look out for their neighbors.

So far, THREE BILLION US dollars have already been donated worldwide in relief effort. Imagine. This tragedy has involved the over five billion humans living in the planet. I feel that people really do feel for those who have lost loved ones. I guess the scale of the destruction has made people go out of their way and lend a hand, regardless of race or creed. Even the much-maligned insularness of The United States of America, a nation normally apathetic to the plight of third world countries where they do not have any underlying interests in, has melted away. Nations who normally are too wrapped up in their own turmoil have also made their own efforts to help during one of the greatest natural catastrophes of all time.

I feel that this is a glimpse of the world John Lennon has dreamed of.

Though the world is mourning, I have never been more proud to be human.

Tabula Rasa

I constantly amaze myself at the things I am able to do. In 2004 , I have lived alone, self-sufficiently, for over a year! Imagine! When I had only given myself six weeks to be able to tough it out on my own! I love living in Makati, walking through its streets, its malls, and high-rises. Amid the bright lights and the big city, I feel that I am finally an adult, that I have finally found a spot to root myself, my place in the sun.
I am amazed at how people can re-invent themselves. Personally, I am interested how I would evolve in the coming years. As Svelterogue put it, it's time for everyone to do a Madonna and re-invent themselves.
It's been a weird, sometimes arduous, trip. I'm so glad that my mother finally recognizes my autonomy, that I am my own person entitled to be different and to clash with her occassionally. I am so glad that she no longer thinks of me as her doormat or lapdog. I felt that if I couldn't make her see it, I would have a hard time doing much else.
It has been hard to do things to achieve what I want to become. I've always wanted to be someone who emanated sincerity, integrity, love, and truth. I wanted people to take one look at me and know that my essence comes from the truth. I am not quite there yet, not quite larger than life yet, but I think that I am on the right track.

For the next year, I will

try my best to let go of my perfectionism.
Try to forgive myself, be more forgiving of myself and of others.
Stop gossiping for good. Ever since I saw the Passion of the Christ, I realized that gossip is a form of cruelty.
To shut up if I won't say something savory, especially to people I don't completely trust.
To learn that NO is a sentence. Period.
To find whatever my passion is.
To love and love freely.
That its all right to feel scared sometimes.
that its important to have the right people to rely on.
That being an intellectual doesn't necessarily mean that you're a moral dilettante.
That you need to hold on to your guns and hang on for dear life.

I've learned a lot of things in 2004. To everyone who has touched my life, in an either positive or negative manner, thank you for helping me realize myself a little more.

As for the year 2005...

BRING IT ON!!!!!