I constantly amaze myself at the things I am able to do. In 2004 , I have lived alone, self-sufficiently, for over a year! Imagine! When I had only given myself six weeks to be able to tough it out on my own! I love living in Makati, walking through its streets, its malls, and high-rises. Amid the bright lights and the big city, I feel that I am finally an adult, that I have finally found a spot to root myself, my place in the sun.
I am amazed at how people can re-invent themselves. Personally, I am interested how I would evolve in the coming years. As Svelterogue put it, it's time for everyone to do a Madonna and re-invent themselves.
It's been a weird, sometimes arduous, trip. I'm so glad that my mother finally recognizes my autonomy, that I am my own person entitled to be different and to clash with her occassionally. I am so glad that she no longer thinks of me as her doormat or lapdog. I felt that if I couldn't make her see it, I would have a hard time doing much else.
It has been hard to do things to achieve what I want to become. I've always wanted to be someone who emanated sincerity, integrity, love, and truth. I wanted people to take one look at me and know that my essence comes from the truth. I am not quite there yet, not quite larger than life yet, but I think that I am on the right track.
For the next year, I will
try my best to let go of my perfectionism.
Try to forgive myself, be more forgiving of myself and of others.
Stop gossiping for good. Ever since I saw the Passion of the Christ, I realized that gossip is a form of cruelty.
To shut up if I won't say something savory, especially to people I don't completely trust.
To learn that NO is a sentence. Period.
To find whatever my passion is.
To love and love freely.
That its all right to feel scared sometimes.
that its important to have the right people to rely on.
That being an intellectual doesn't necessarily mean that you're a moral dilettante.
That you need to hold on to your guns and hang on for dear life.
I've learned a lot of things in 2004. To everyone who has touched my life, in an either positive or negative manner, thank you for helping me realize myself a little more.
As for the year 2005...
BRING IT ON!!!!!
4 comments:
Ask and ye shall receive. :)
... knock and the door shall be opened unto you.
you rock, cathy girl. you really Rock.
as for the title, i find it somewhat problematic, especially in light of the person you are. you are too interesting to wipe it all away and become a blank slate. and even if you weren't, it would be such a waste of your precious humanity to wipe it clean (white as snow as the psalm would have it) as though you never were. ayaw! ok ka kasi e. with all the foibles and all. we mustn't forget the spices. :)
i hope you find your passion this year, and yes, "no" is a sentence that many of us need to learn.
bring on the new year!
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