Random Nothingness by a Neurotic with Hormones on Overdrive

I am a reality show geek. I love The Amazing Race and American Idol . I think 'manly' geeks and nerds and gay guys are hot. My latest crush on the American Idol circuit is Anthony Federov (as an example). I had a crush on John Peter Lewis from Season 3. I don't like men with large builds. I don't like hairy guys. I think all the guys on Queer Eye are hot. But I think of them all Kyan Douglas is the hottest.

I am obsessed with the shows Manhunt and Outback Jack. I think the guys there are absolutely mouth watering. Keanu Reeves should father my son. Jude Law should help me with a daughter. Aussie and Kiwi guys rule. Their unassuming nature is adorable. My turn-offs are arrogant boors, guys who try too hard to be funny and witty, and men who don't have depth. I am trying to get over my fascination with neurotic men. Based on my most recent dalliances, boys aged 18 to 21 are drawn to me, I think. Compulsive liars should stay away from me. Never try to steamroll me to any cause. I will just resist you and unconsciously (subconsciously?) sabotage your cause with the truth, the most stringent bleach. I am not afraid of speaking my mind, or the truth. However, I am starting to ponder whether I should be more circumspect.

I love British humor, especially Brit-Indian humor. God Bless Star World for exposing me to Parkinson, Coupling, Goodness Gracious Me, and The Kumars at No. 42. God Bless John Cleese. He's the funniest man on the planet.

CSI Las Vegas. Period.

I prefer rockers to hip hop heads. I think Damon Albarn, the guy from Suede, and many others are hot. Pulp singer Jarvis Cocker is hot in an Alan Alda sort of way. Constantine Maroulis from American Idol Season 4 is also hot. I don't think he'll be as hot as he grows older. I think he'll end up looking like Omar Sharif.

I had a crush on Omar Sharif after watching Dr. Zhivago. When I was 12 I had crushes on Mel Gibson and John Malkovich.

I try to watch Oprah when I can .

I like the beach. I like mountains. I prefer the beach. I want to live on a bluff overlooking a beach. I like to dance. Men who can't dance are tipping the balance of attractiveness. Selfish guys suck. Guys who sulk when they don't get their way suck. Men who can't dance well but shake their little booty to their heart's content anyway is adorable. As long as they don't overdo it.

I am not obsessed with sex, contrary to common belief.

I am not afraid of death and dying. When you're dead you won't care what happens around you, anyway.

I like bishonen men. I like 'bishonen-ish' women. The whole ambiguous sex thing is really hot in my book. Surprisingly, I'm not into yaoi or yuri anime. I am not gay, I've never been gay, and couldn't stomach the thought of being in a relationship with a woman. I wish I were lesbian since their relationships don't seem to have a lot of hang-ups.

I am working toward a career in TV or print media. I do voice acting and hopefully, hosting.

I am a big personality. People are intimidated by me.

I couldn't think of anything else.

Hey, Jealousy

Every girl's nightmare is to have another girl go on the warpath because she thinks that you're after her man. Recent example is the Sunshine Cruz/Julianna Palermo scandal that caused everyone to titter behind their backs. Girls are scary to fight with, this I know. When I was in Fedex I had been harassed at work by my ex's now-wife, when I didn't even know that they were together. I have been called a b-ach, a boyfriend-stealer, names through the years.

I have been at the receiving end of this rampage again recently, from a girl . Imagine my surprise when I received a text message last night that said:

"U SL*T. U MADE THINGS WORSE BETWEEN ME N JEI. U R A SL*T BAKIT MO SYA SINABIHAN ABT MY E-MAIL. NOW HE'LL END IT BECOS OF U. PUTA KA."

Even just reading it is painful.

A quick recap.

Jei is an aquaintance from the anime community. He's an animator, working special effects on commercials and films. We became good friends when we became fellow voice actors in a cartoon we're working on called "Jobert."

Jei is from Iloilo, where his girlfriend is working as a Medical Representative. They've been together for six years. Now, Jei is cute, but he isn't my type. The guy is a complete softy, and bleeds easily. I shared my quest for career fulfillment with him, and he has cheered me on in auditions, through job hunts, disappointments, and other career opportunities.
Jo came here for a visit from Iloilo last month. Jei wanted us to be friends so she won't get jealous whenever Jei tells her that he and I are doing something together. I think it backfired, making her feel more insecure and jealous.
On Valentine's Day, she sent me an e-mail pleading me to refuse any invitations to go out with Jei even if he asks me. I felt slighted. How presumptuous of this girl, I thought. So I told Jei of the insult. He has been having trouble with Jo's paranoia for sometime, and he has been pouring out his heart to me, about his troubles, asking for advice and consolation. I keep on telling him to remember what it is about her that drew them to each other.
I understand where she is coming from. A long distance love is very hard to maintain. I am very disappointed in her now. I liked her. I thought that we could be friends. She asked me to keep an eye on Jei for her. And now this? I feel very betrayed.
I wanted to take the high road and refuse to acknowledge the insult. Of course, my sister, who is the palaban (spitfire) among my siblings, was outraged and answered on my behalf.
Whatever happens next, happens. I'm tired of having people throw their crap on me. I already have enough crap to deal with.

Valentine, Schmalentine

Guys, sorry for not posting for some time.

I'm working through major issues right now. I find myself at a crossroads, and as usual, I have no idea of what fork in the road to take. The thing about life is, nothing is what it seems, and there are no guarantees. The dream job is never handed to you, the dream guy is never what he seems, and "friends" stab you in the back. I have lived my life knowing that what's here today is here today. But I am talking about the future here...so here goes...

If there is one thing I know, I will recognize my guy I will be with the moment I see him. Definitely. I'm such a romantic!

After I am able to thresh these out, you will be able to enjoy my regular weekly postings.

Valentines Day is around the corner. Every time Valentines day rolls around, whether I have a boyfriend or not, I wear black to protest the over-emphasis of romantic love in popular culture. I believe that there are more, deeper kinds of love. Filial love, friendships. I treasure friendships greatly, that's why I never mess around with my friends and I try my best to be a good and supportive friend, no matter what my opinion is on how my friends live their lives.
I've been doing this since 1997. I remember V-day 1998 I sat in the bus and nobody wanted to sit beside me because I looked like I stepped out of a coven.

I love freaking people out.