Pop that Cherry!

* Warning: Adult Content

During a recent Toastmasters seminar on injecting humor into a speech, the facilitator asked us to form groups and share our fears. He said that these fears will be great source material for humor.

You all know the geeky guy, right? There is one in every school, in every clique, in every office. The thin, lanky, most probably bespectacled one who is so wrapped up in his work/interests that he doesn't have time for girls. The one whom everyone predicts will be an old bachelor. Well, this particularly geeky guy admitted to the group that his biggest fear is that he'll wind up as "a 40-year old virgin."

Another discussion late Monday night with my roomates, over another geeky guy, made me wonder about the premium men put over virginity. I know that doing something for the first time is monumental, but I feel that this worldwide obsession at becoming somebody's "first" in the sack has more to do with the male ego than with actual "purity."

I did not particularly enjoy my first time. I did it more as a rebellion toward society, toward my Catholic upbringing that mandated that I remain "chaste" until I marry. I didn't buy that for one bit because I was surrounded by unhappy people who did everything right, who had sex upon marriage and followed everything that was supposed to make them happy. Yet, they ended up separated from their spouses, bitter and vindictive. I stupidly decided that this had to end. I must not be a virgin by age 20. Then I got a boyfriend when I was 19. A varsity soccer player in my school who was born and raised in Ghana, of Filipino descent. He was, uh, okay. He did the thing in increments, so as not to shock my system. I don't really know if he--or if I was any good. I just remember that it triggered in me a whirlwind of confusion that added to my already unstable mental state at the time. And this lasted for about three to four years of absolute craziness. I consider it a mistake on my part, but in hindsight, I think that it did a lot to help me "grow up."

I don't know if guys really enjoy popping cherries in a non-ego related way, but I don't really enjoy popping guy's cherries. Really, guy virgins are...hmmm. Weird.

One of my exes said that I was his first. He later proved to be a cheat and a liar so I don't really believe what he said. However, I have been the "second" of two guys.

The first one. I was 23. He was 19. He was a varsity arnis player for the green school along Taft. (haha!)With his trained, buff chest and arms from hours and hours of martial-arts stick fighting, he was really strong. We were both anime freaks.

I was impressed by his size. It was huge for a Pinoy! However, his gifts in the equipment department was unfortunately overshadowed by his lack of skills. He tended to move his entire body, not just his pelvis. You remember the Sex in the City episode where Carrie had a guy who was a "jackrabbit?"* Yeah, that. And he liked to flop his dense, muscular body on top of me after exhausting himself. I would lie there. As I felt myself slowly suffocate, I would strain to say "get off me *pant* please"

I tried coaching him. Later, with a pillow, I guided his hips, like a good teacher should. "Yes. please. use your pelvis. Only your pelvis. Hop along, thrust. Yes!" Apparently, he didn't take instruction very well. He accused me of stealing his mother's watch as his weird "escape option" because he couldn't bring himself to say "break na tayo." In retaliation, I did not return his comic book collection. Bwahaha.

The second guy also had the weird jackrabbit thing going as well. As we were knocking boots, the headboard started banging the wall so heavily, one would think that a jackhammer was demolishing the wall behind us. I lay there, and I was like hey, okay, relax! Thankfully for him, he actually asked what he should be doing, and he was a very good student. He actually developed into one of the best lovers I have had.

So in conclusion, virgin guys are usually so happy to be actually doing a woman that they think a vagina has the same qualities as their right (or left) hand. Be gentle, my dear virgin men. relax. Breathe. Rough sex does not automatically mean good sex!

*a jackrabbit is a guy who basically masturbates using a vagina instead of his hand.