Adventures in Elderberry

Elderberry season is long gone in Thuringia, but while it was still in full-bloom, I had a chance to try out an Amiexpat recipe and a German staple, Elderberry syrup, a recipe I got off the internet.

Once I knew what they looked like, I was shoked at how prevalent they really are: It's everywhere, like a freaking weed! All I needed to look for were blooms that were big and not bug-infested; it seems that black flies like sucking on the nectar.

First up is Hollerküchle .



I followed the recipe, but I didn't really dig it so much. I got a headache after eating a couple of them, because the aroma was so intense and sweet, and I can't stand really strong perfume. So this was probaby my first and last attempt at it.

Elderberry syrup isn't so hard to make: See recipe here

My husband likes it so much that we'll probably run out of syrup by the end of summer. This one is definitely a keeper.

To Thine Own Self Be True

Some of the best writing of this world come from a place of truth. May it be fiction or biography, it has to come from a kernel of truth or passion that expands out of the author, beyond herself. It knows no bounds.

Like the proverbial mustard seed.

I am going through a difficult time in my life right now, a place I am not ready to talk about just yet. I am not yet ready to share this grain of truth. This is the reason why I haven't been writing; I'd rather not write than write something that is not emanating from a place of honesty.

When I am ready, if I am ready, I'll let you know.

Things I Wished I Thought About...

When I first set off from Manila on June 13, 2006, I wasn't thinking, here is the beginning of the rest of my life. Here, I would start my new life. Sure, I sold off all my appliances and stuff, but it was mostly to finance my German lessons, and the adventure of it all had me in a thrall.

Four years and one kid later, I look at my son and realize with sadness that he will not grow up Filipino. Strange but true. I never thought I would end up thinking this, but somehow, knowing that he will probably not appreciate the art of eating dried fried squid dipped in vinegar, makes me sad.

I think that my husband realizes this too just now. That Antonio will not be German-German. He will be somewhere in between. He realizes now that there are some things that will always remain alien between us, and my realization that our son will have to negotiate this murky path towards identity alone, saddens me. It is difficult enough to find youself with both parents sharing a nationality. Who knows, maybe in the end he will embrace this in between two worlds identity of his.

I wish I had thought about the fucked up German school system. While it is good (if you use PISA rankings as a yardstick), I feel so sad to think about the enourmous pressure it puts children under. I mean, sure, I knew I wanted to be a writer when I was 12, but I feel it is cruel to pose that question to 6th graders. Not everyone knows what they want to be at that age. And to peg someone as a failure if they don't make Gymnasium? That is harsh. I want my child to have a childhood, like I had.

I wish that I could give my son the gift of three months of doing nothing. Summer vacation here is only eight weeks long, and falls on September--dab smack during the rainy season in the Philippines. How can he enjoy going back home when all he has rain, while knowing it is summer back in Germany? He will never know the pleasure of a chilly, rainy, tropical bed weather, so welcome after a scorching summer.

The best I can do is to show him, "son, this is what it means to be Filipino." I can give him my nationality (at least until he is 18) I can show him what it means to be Filipino (which not a lot of my countrymen have the luxury to think about). Then I can hope.

Time for a cool change

Thinking about the changes that have happened in my life, and the changes happening in my life right now have made me think: Maybe it's time to accept that I'm not who I used to be. I am a mom. I like cooking. I live a boring suburban life now.

Maybe it's time to incorporate that on my blog too.

Deutsch Überall

Ich war gestern beim Stern-TV Reportage mit Gunter Jauch eingeschaltet, mit dem üblichem Thema warum scheitert die Integration von Leute mit arabischem/türkischem Hintergrund.

Nein, ich werde nicht verallgemeinern und sagen muslimischen Hintergrund. Es gibt genugend Muslime, z.B. aus Indonesien, die hier in Deutschland anscheinend gut integriert sind. Es kann auch sein, dass es nur wenige gibt.

Ein so-genannten "Experte" behauptet, dass die Integration scheitert, weil diese Kinder und deren Eltern sprechen nur Arabisch/Türkisch zu hause. Noch jemandem meinte, dass diese Leute haben keinen Zugang zu der Gesellschaft, weil sie nur mit arabischen Leute/Geschäfte zu tun haben wollen.

Moment. Da muss ich mein Widerspruch einlegen. Warum ist plötzlich Mehrsprachigkeit schuld? Ich bin selbst Mehrsprachig, mein Sohn ist ein "deutscher mit Migrationshintergrund." Wir sprechen Englisch (leider kein Arabisch) zu Hause. Es gibt genügend Kurde und vietnamesischen Familien in Erfurt, und ich weiß, dass diese Leute, obwohl sie ihre Heimatsprache bei ihnen sprechen, sie legen sehr viel wert drauf, dass ihren Kinder gut Deutsch sprechen. In einem Dönerladen in unserer Nähe verweigert sich sogar der Besitzer Kurdisch mit seinem Sohn zu sprechen, was ich auch für falsch halte weil er nur schlechtes Deutsch spricht.

Diese Leute sind nicht schlecht Integriert, und sind völlig dabei und präsent in der Gesellschaft. Aber warum scheitert sie in anderen Orte, und in mehreren Fälle?

Erstens, Ostdeutschland hat einem schlechtem Ruf, und viele Ausländer trauen sich nicht, hierher zu wohnen, wenn sie nicht bereit zu Integration sind.

Zweitens, wie der ein Gast sagte, sie wollen nur mit arabischen Leute/Geschäfte zu tun haben.

Und da ist der Knackpunt. Wie viele von diesen Menschen sind bereit, sich zu integrieren? Sie sind nicht anders als die Deutschen die ständig in anderen Länder Deutschland suchen. Es gibt genügend Deutsche in Spanien, die nur sehr schlecht oder gar kein Spanisch beherrscht.

Ich werde nicht behaupten, dass es kein Problem mit Integration gibt. Das haben wir. Aber die Ursache ist eher die Unbereitschaft von dieser Menschen, die Sitte von ihrer alten Heimat loszulassen. Und das, finde ich, nur in Europa als problematisch betrachtet, und zwar spezifisch zu dieser Gruppe. Zu recht.

Es gibt Chinatowns überall auf dieser Welt, und wieviele deutsche Enklave gibt es in anderen Länder? Aber nur diese Gruppe neigt zu Gewalt. Warum?

Was Heißt Integration?

In Europe, for example, bilingualism is seen favorably but people have very high standards for who should be considered bilingual. The latter should have perfect knowledge of their languages, have no accent in them, and even, in some countries, have grown up with their two (or more) languages. At that rate, very few people consider themselves bilingual even though, in Switzerland for example, the majority of the inhabitants know and use two or more languages in their everyday life.
--François Grosjean, Professor Emeritus at Neuchâtel University (Switzerland)

Manchmal, ich weiss nicht warum ich mir die Mühe gebe, Deutsch zu lernen oder zu sprechen.

Manchmal, ich finde es demutigend, wenn ich von meiner Schweigermutter oder von irgendjemand höre, dass mein Deutsch immer noch nicht fehlerfrei ist. "Obwohl du schon seit 4 Jahren in Deutschland bist!"

Manchmal, ich habe wirklich keine Lust mehr, mit jemandem auf Deutsch zu unterhalten. Wozu? Wenn ich eh kein "vernünftiges Deutsch" spreche. Hab ich nicht schon genug getan und gemacht, die sprache zu beherrschen? Könnt ihr behaupten, dass ihr 3 andere Sprachen noch nebenbei sprechen? Ich finde eure Englisch lächerlich, aber ich sag auch nichts. Ich korrigiere nur wenn ich a) im Klassenzimmer bin b) wenn der Fehler das Verständnis behindert.

Korregieren ist schon gut, aber wenn ihr vor meinem Gesicht lacht weil ich ein "niedliches" Wort erfunden habe, verliere ich die Lust, weiter Deutsch zu lernen. Ich lese "Die Zeit" aber "du liest immer noch keine deutsche Bücher." Sagt ihr. Mein Gott, ich Kann Hertha Müller nicht leiden. Na und?? Heißt das das ich deswegen ungebildet bin? Ich hab Die Mütter Mafia gerne gelesen. Na und? Warum zählt das nicht als ein deutsches Buch?

Ich wollte eh kein Deutsch lernen. Ich musste weil ich mich für einen deutschen Mann entschieden habe. Vielleicht sollte ich meine Mühe an Spanisch geben, da ich mit der Sprache verliebt bin. Da ich mit meinem Name eh eher in Spanien gehöre.

Das ist der Grund warum ich die Deutsche Staatsbürgerschaft nicht annehme. Weil ich das Gefühl habe, nicht hier zu gehören, oder die Leute um mich vermitteln das Gefühl, das ich immer noch hier Fremd bin. Ich bin nicht ganz Filipino mehr, aber noch keine Deutsche. Vielleicht wenn ich ein Roman auf Deutsch schreiben könnte, werdet ihr mich endlich akzeptieren.

Fight or Flight

I have learned to deal with racist comments in Erfurt, but this is the only time I've really been thinking about moving out of here. I don't mind being the subject of taunts, I've got a thick hide. But how about Antonio?

Ermutigung und Dank an couragierten jungen Mann

Ein Überfall auf einen jungen Mann am Ostermontag wurde gestern in der Landeshauptstadt diskutiert. Vergeblich hatte er auf dem Anger um Hilfe gerufen, als er eine Asiatin schützen wollte und dafür selbst angegangen wurde. Der Weiße Ring forderte mehr Sicherheit in Bahnen und an Haltestellen.

Erfurt. Weil er sich in der Straßenbahn schützend vor eine Asiatin gestellt hatte, wurde der 28-jährige Mann am Anger von einer pöbelnden Truppe überfallen und geschlagen. Die Polizei war sehr schnell am Ort des Geschehens. Erschüttert war der 28-Jährige, weil keiner der zahlreichen Passanten auf seine Hilferufe reagiert hatte.

For those that can't read German, it basically says that a 28 year-old-man tried helping out an Asian lady, who was being harassed by a group of thugs. Nobody came to his rescue, and he himself was beat up by a gang of two women (!) and a man.

The more details come out, the more angry I become. This happened on an Easter Monday, a holiday, in Erfurt's main shopping drag, and many people were out and about! The man tried asking the tram driver for help. The tram driver's answer? The Man should call the police himself. The gang later kicked the samaritan's cell phone out of his hand.

It also happened to me almost exactly a week before that. I was in a tram, and parked my baby carriage in a spot surrounded by teen-agers. A group of teenaged idiots tried insulting me in Chinese by giving me the chink-eye and calling out "Ni-Hao," then reverted to Spanish, for good measure. I guess they couldn't figure out my ethnicity. The girl in the group saw that I had a child, and feebly tried to stop her pals. Then the ignorant fellow who was doing the most of the insulting then tried to insult Antonio, who was sleeping in his baby carriage. How pathetic. I yelled back at the brutes in English, since I knew I was just gonna get sassed by these punks in German.

It has happened to me before in Erfurt and in Jena, but having Antonio has made me somewhat testier on the subject. I know that I can't shield my son from heartbreak in the future, but I will do everything I can to protect every hair growing on his head. I feel paranoid and paralyzed. What can I do? How can I change this situation? Move out? Join a group that is trying to do something about it? The latent racism of these uneducated thugs disgust me to no end, and they are giving the people of Erfurt a bad name. For people who don't know better, they would generalize and say that Germans are racist. But I do know better, and the Germans who aren't racist should do something and help with the cause.

Zuhause und doch nicht

Ich bin wieder hier in meinem beliebten Manila, und ich bin froh wieder hier zu sein, und natuerlich weil ich den deutschen Winter vermieidet hab. Obwohl ich nicht ganz wohl in DE fuehle, meine Entscheidung mein ehemaligen Freund und jetzigen Mann nach DE zu folgen hat auch damit zu tun, dass mir hier in Manila ein gewisses etwas fehlte. Mein Mann hat gesagt dass ich anders als die anderen Filipinos war, und das hab ich auch gespuert, aber nicht verstanden warum ich anders war.

Dass hier ist mein zweites Besuch seit 2006, aber mein erstes als neue Mutti. Ich bin sehr froh dass ich hier Maids hab, da in DE ich etwas ueberfordert in meiner neuen Rolle fuehlte. Und ich fuhlte mich wie ein Gefangener in meiner Wohnung. Wer wollte bitteschoen in der Kaelte mit einem kleinen Baby spazierengehen?

Es gibt viele Grunde hier in Manila sich zu freuen. Familie, Freunde, das Essen, das Wetter. Aber jetzt hab ich genug Abstand von meinem ehemaligen Leben hier und mein Leben in DE um zu vergleichen, was besser in DE ist oder auf den PH mir besser gefaellt. Und jetzt verstehe ich was mein Mann meinte, als er sagte dass ich anders war.

Ich liebe meine Familie in DE, aber Weihnachten hier ist immer schoener als in DE. Ihr wisst dass ich Schwierigkeiten mit meiner Schweigermutter hab. Weihnachten auf den PH ist eine Zeit in der die Familie alle Probleme verschwunden liess. In DE in einem kleinem Raum mit Familienmitglieder den man nur einmal im Jahr sieht ist Stress pur. Die Deutsche muessen immer ihren Meinung aeussern, obwohl es waere besser wenn Sie ihren Mund halten. Ich hab diesen Weihnachten geweint weil meine Schwiegermama das genau gemacht hab! Meine Erziehungsstil ist nicht Deutsch, aber ich mache es bestimmt nicht ganz verkehrt!

Aber ich kann es mir nicht vorstellen, wieder in Manila zu wohnen. Da ich jetzt mein Kind hab, weiss ich schon dass die Umgebung in meiner Stadt in DE besser fuer Kinder als in Manila ist. Ausruestungen, Aktivitaeten, Freizeitmoeglichkeiten foerdern die geistige Entwiklung des Kindes. Meine Grosseltern haben mich genau so erzogen. Jetzt sehe ich eine verschlechterung der Qualitaet von Kinderfreizeitmoeglichkeiten. Die spielen nicht mehr drausend wie damals, kennen die alte Spiele nicht mehr. Und die Maids, weil sie nicht besser wissen, lassen die Kinder von dem Fernseher erziehen, und gucken nur entweder Disney Channel oder Fernsehenmuell. Oder eben Computerspielen. Das liegt an meiner Schwester, aber in ihrer Nachbarschaft sind alle Kinder so. Obwohl es ist schoen, ein sauberes Haus zu haben, ist dass genug ein vernunftiges Umgebung fuer die Kinder zu schaffen?

Und da jetzt Malls ueberall angebaut sind, kontrolliert Sir Henry Sy und Co. die ganze Freizeitmoeglichkeiten meiner Niechten und Neffe.

Es macht mich traurig, dass Government Services immer noch als Kampagnematerial von Politiker ausgenutzt werden. Die nutzen Steuerngeld fuer Werbematerial! Warum soll ich dieser Mann waehlen? Weil er die Strassen beleuchtet hat? Und er liess es uns wissen mit seinem Initialen auf jedem Mast? Dass wir helle Strassen haben sollte eine Selbsverstaendlichkeit sein, oder? Und dass die Leute dass immer noch nicht kapieren kotzt mich an.

Ich bin zur Zeit zwischen zwei Welten. Hier ist ein System dass ich verstehe, aber nicht mehr mitmachen moechte, und in DE ist ein System dass ich immer noch nicht ganz verstehe, in einer Umgaebung in der ich nicht wohl fuehle, aber weiss dass es besser fuer mein Kind ist.

Hilfe! Ich Will Kein DIY Machen!

Wie jede frischgebackene Mutti festellen muss, Kinder kosten viel Arbeit, Kraft, und Mühe. Ich bereue meine Entscheidung nichts, und mache das alles gern, aber heutzutage wünsche ich mir dass ich zurück auf den Philippinen bin.

Ich will nicht arrogant klingen, aber fast jeder Mittelschichtfilipino hat ein oder zwei Dienstmädchen zu verfügung. Und auf den Philippinen, die Leute in den Westen tun uns etwas leid, weil wir denken, die Arme, sie mussen alles selbst machen! Tja, naturlich ist die Arbeit, die diese hilfskräfte leisten nicht zum deutschen Standard, aber das scheint die Filipinos nicht zu stören.

Ich bin mittlereweile sehr "eingedeutscht," in dem ich jetzt gerne sehr viel selbst mache. Ich koche meine eigene Marmelade, koche das Essen selbst, putze die Wohnung. Klingt alles doof, aber auf den Philippinen keine Selbstverständlichkeit. Aber ich bin nicht sooo Deutsch, das ich Hilfe nicht annehmen werde. Und Zeiten wie diese macht es klar, ich brauche zur Zeit ein Dienstmädchen.

Anders als Thomas. Vielleicht er ist sehr Ostdeutsch in dem Sinn dass er nach keiner Hilfe fragt wenn er denkt dass er etwas allein schaffen könnte.

In dem Auto am Freitag hatten wir für X Mal diskutiert, weil ich endlich Putzkräfte anheuern möchte um die Wohnung sauber zu halten. Seit meiner Entbindung habe ich einfach kein Bok die Wohnung zu putzen. Das Kind hält mich wach, ich muss ständig stillen, und ich möchte gerne etwas Zeit für mich genießen.

"Aber deswegen kriegst du Elterngeld! Um da für das Kind zu sein, und natürlich der Haushalt zu halten."

"Thomas, ich hab keine Energie mehr für die Wohnung sauber zu halten. Was ist dann so schlimm wenn wir Leute haben, die einmal pro Woche die Wohnung putzt?"

"Das will ich einfach nicht."

"Ich glaube, das hier ist ein kulturelles Problem. Ich hab nichts dagegen wenn ich zum Beispiel mein Leben einfacher machen möchte in dem ich jemand bezahle um meine Webseite zu gestalten. Aber du zum Beispiel wollte nicht mal das ich zu einem Steuerberater gehe!"

"Das kann sein. Ich nehme Hilfe nicht gern wenn ich etwas selbst machen kann."

Ich hab dann aufgegeben. Ich weiß nicht ob das Deutsch ist, oder ist er einfach Mann? Tja, wenn jemand vorbeikommen möchte um meine Wohnung zu putzen, lass uns über ein Preis reden!

German Vice Chancellor Gay: Nobody Cares

When I asked my husband who he was voting for last Sunday, he automatically said FDP, the yellow party. I guess with the baby coming, he has taken a huge interest in the direction Germany will take regarding family politics. People can say all they want about Thüringen, but I'll doubt you'll find a state that is as family oriented. The state provides excellent and cheap whole day child-care for working parents. The schools are good (if a bit lefty-oriented), Kindergeld, Erziehungsgeld, the works. And companies don't discriminate against working mothers, because they were used to that in the former Eastern Germany. I was supposed to go on maternity leave in the middle of September, but because I am a freelancer, I could extend it until the end of September. It wasn't a big deal.

I have seen the party head, new Vice Chancellor and Foreign Affairs chair Guido Westerwelle on TV. He seems like an ok chap, a bit arrogant, but one needs that in politics.

Imagine my surprise when I found out that he was gay. Not only that, he's been out since 2004. Yet nobody cares, and his party still won and is now out of the opposition and leading with the incumbent party CDU.

I don't care if he's gay, and I am actually happy that his sexuality is not deemed a liability or a hindrance in his ability to lead. I am actually amazed at how Germans and Europeans are so open-minded about these kinds of things, in contrast to Filipinos and in some cases, Americans. In some countries, admitting to homosexuality is political suicide.

I don't want to become a German citizen. I've made that clear. I don't feel German, I don't feel that I "belong" to this country. However, accompanying my husband to the elections, I could not help but feel a pang of envy at seeing how peaceful, fast, and orderly their elections are, in comparison to the circus in the Philippines. I have volunteered in the Philippine elections in the past, and seeing how politics works over here made me almost want to renounce my Filipino citizenship, just so I could participate in the direction my adoptive country is taking. Good job Gérmany!

Haben die Erfurter keine Mannieren?

Es ist mir aufgefallen, wie die Leute von Erfurt und Umgebung schlechte Mannieren haben. Sind die Leute hier einfach schlecht erzogen? Was haben sie für eine Erziehung gehabt? Ich will nicht verallgemeinern, will nicht sagen dass es ein deutsches Problem ist, weil meine Erfahrung nur hier in Ostdeutschland bedingt ist.

Ich habe schon erfahren, wie alte Omis eine Schlange überholen, nur weil sie denken, dass es Ihren Recht ist. Ich bin selbst schwanger, und nutze meine Situation nie aus. Ich wurde schon von Servicepersonal belogen. Ich war in einer Straßenbahn, kämmte meine Haare (weil ich in eile war) und ein Herr hat mir gesagt "Das macht man in der Offentlichkeit nicht." Das geht ihn doch nicht an! Warum ist das ungerecht, ich schade niemand!

Ich war in Taize, als ich schon erzahlt habe. Ich habe angefangen zu singen,weil ich Langeweile hatte. Ein junge hinter mir hat mich sehr irritiert angekuckt und sagte, "Kannst du aufhören? Es ist richtig ätzend!" Und dann hat ein Heavy Metal lied von seinem Handy laut gespielt! Wir waren doch in einem heligen Ort! Ich hab ihm gesagt, Er hat sich deutlich ausgedruckt, er braucht diesen unhöflichen Aktion nicht mehr. Später habe ich erfahren, dass seine gruppe kamen aus Schmalkalden(wie peinlich, da ich jetzt dieser Ort mit seinem Verhalten verbinde) und die anderen Gruppen halten diese Gruppen für kommisch, da die da waren wegen Urlaub, und waren nicht mal Kirchangehörigen. Ich wollte nicht mal sagen dass ich in Erfurt wohne, da ich nicht mit diesen Leuten etwas zu tun haben möchte.

Wie gesagt, jetzt bin ich hochschwanger, und ich habe erfahren wie Schulkinder, Jungs, ihren Platz nicht mal mir angeboten haben! Sie hatten ein Sitz nur für ihren halb leeren Rücksäcke gefullt. Ich habe die zwei angekuckt,und gewartet. Nichts. Bis zur meine Haltestelle. Ich wollte etwas sagen, aber ich meine, Mensch, es sollte doch selbstverständlich sein, oder? Egal ob ich auf den Philippinen oder in DE bin.

Ich dachte es war nur so mit den Jugendlichen, aber eine unangenehme Überraschung wartete letzten Samstag auf mich. Eine Gruppe von alten Männer (eine Reisegruppe?) hat sich genau so wie die Jugendlichen verhalten! Ok, einige hatten einen Stock schon dabei, aber es gab Männer die um 60 waren und auch ohne Gehstock laufen konnten. Sicherlich können Sie auch Platz für eine schwangere mit einem Einkaufsrollo machen!

Ich war dann gestern mit einer Bekanntin, die auch Schwanger ist. Und es ist wieder passiert! Was geht in den Köpfen dieser Menschen werde ich nie verstehen.

D.I.Y.

Time crawls when you are a kid, and the three-month summer vacations in the Philippines seem looooong and tedious. I remember being a very creative kid, taking on a lot of craft projects that took my fancy. I remember making my own pasta when I was 10. I also made my own drawstring bags made of discarded pant legs at the time cut-off shorts were the rage. Though sewing wasn't my strongest suit, I sewed and crocheted several dresses for my Barbies when I was 11. I ate self made pasta for a week when I was 13. I've collected (and lost) several recipe collections, and baked up a storm when I was 15. Made a collage/photo album when I was 14.

I guess this is what led to cosplay. For those who didn't know me before 2006, I was an active cosplayer in the Philippines, making costumes of my favorite characters.



This is perhaps one of my favorite costumes, because I made it myself, with a little help from my family. I was always good at making props, I never really excelled at sewing. This costume is made of spray painted paper mache, wire, and cloth. That it turned out so well was my reward in itself.

For some reason, I felt I lost touch with my creative self in Germany because I was so preoccupied in learning German, then Spanish.

As the saying goes, necessity is the mother of invention, and I have been cooking, cooking, cooking for the past couple of months.

After my first months of pregnancy, when I couldn't even stand the smell of food, I began cooking. A lot. First I got started with Filipino food.



I already started when I first came to Germany, but my zealousness went to high gear in my fourth month of pregnancy. I never thought that my favorite Filipino snacks were so easy to make! Because I am not allowed to eat raw food, sushi was out of the question. It would have driven me mad if it were not for Surimi, fake crab meat, which is actually made of cooked fish. I've made my own sushi before, so why not? So I made my own maki rolls. Then I realized that I missed Shrimp Tempura, which is weirdly enough not standard in Japanese restaurants in Thuringia. I have seen tempura in menus in Hamburg and Frankfurt, but they were prohibitively expensive. They were soooo easy to make! Then I remembered, hey, I haven't seen green tea ice cream in menus here. So I decided to make my own ice cream.

The Germans said that my ice cream tasted more like cookie dough than green tea, maybe I put too much cream? But I was sufficiently satisfied with the results that I decided to make chocolate ice cream. Take note that I don't have an ice cream machine.



Thomas and I, being freelancers, aren't faring so well in this economy. Gifts to friends are mostly now mostly self-made, hopefully they will be appreciated just as much as store bought ones. I have been preparing a small planter that I've filled with herbs for a couple of months now as a going-away present for a friend. We needed a rug for the balcony, and my bag of pairless socks went to good use. Part of me wishes that we were more flush financially, but a part of me asks whether I would be this motivated to be thrifty/creative if we were.

Auf Die Mischung Kommt Es An: Amiexpat's Heidelbeer Eierkuchen

I wrote in Tagalog that ever since my fourth month of pregnancy, all I could think about is food. I dream of food, I miss the food that I grew up with. I even have a list of foods that I want to eat taped on my fridge, and I cross out once I've cooked something. Ironic, since I couldn't stand the smell off cooking food during my first and second month. It saves time because I already know what I want to eat days before. I think that making them myself is healthier than buying them, because a lot of elbow grease goes into making them, canceling out the calories ingested. Or that is what I like to tell myself.

One of the things I miss is the pancakes at Pancake House, a Filipino chain that I think is like the American I-Hop. They are soft and fluffy, like a cloud in your mouth. Thomas hates them, he hates American pancakes in general. I think it's because he didn't grow up eating them. Thomas and I could never agree whether American of European pancakes are better. I still drizzle maple syrup all over my pancakes. I try making American pancakes once in a while but I end up eating them all by myself. I make those thin European pancakes instead since we both eat them.

It took me at least 6 months to find the perfect recipe for European pancakes. I've downloaded at least four European pancake recipes. The American pancakes I've tried were not fluffy enough or tasted weird, the European pancakes were also a hit or miss affair. They were either too leaden or moist inside because I've put in too much water, or too dry because of flour.



About a week ago, I found the perfect recipe for European pancakes, and I have been making them since. Finally. I've been making pancakes at least once a week lately because I've been craving them and because Thomas is on this weird Schlank im Schlaf Diet, which says he can only eat carbs in the morning. His classmate recommended it to him after saying that he has gotten chubbier since he got married. I guess I feed him too well!



Amiexpat's Heidelbeer pancake recipe is a perfect compromise between European and American pancakes. They're fluffy, like American pancakes, an thin, like European pancakes. Win-win! Next time, I'll mix the Heidelbeer with the batter, because the berries tend to burn when I flip them over, and sometimes the berries stick to the turner (?), leaving little pockmarks in the pancakes where the berries used to be.

Is It Time to Bring the Bush Back?

I haven't been to the landscaper since I left Barcelona. That was seven months ago. It's not that I've been lazy or anything like that. It's just that Barcelona spoiled me. If you want more bang for your buck when it comes to intimate hygiene, Barcelona is your place. Where else could you get a professional wax job, a REAL professional wax job, for 15 euros? They even give you a free disposable g-string in case you come in granny panties. They are so fast it is almost painless, and I have been so pleased with the results that during my second appointment,I gave them a 10 euro tip.

In the city where I live, the wax jobs cost almost double that, and the waxers enter go into the job half-blind. They aren't really waxperienced when it comes to bikini waxing, since Germans either shave or go au naturel. There are a lot of these earth mother types in East Germany, so this is not a normal service offered by these salons.

The thought of having to hand over 25 euros plus tips to an inexperienced waxer is enough for me to bear the occasional pulling and discomfort in my underpants. My husband said that he likes me either way, although he expressed his preference for a landscaped lawn. But the thought of parting with that much money for a lousy landscaping job is still a strong enough deterrent for me.

I spent the weekend in Berlin with a visiting friend from Manila, and we went to the Helmut Newton Museum. He did his best work in the late '70s-early '80s, when the bush was in full force. When the girls started waxing/shaving, Newton invested in merkins, one of which was also on display in the Museum. Bush, in all its glory, did not look half as bad in the photos as I perceive them to be in person. I used to be disgusted with body hair, since Asians have so little of it. Those pictures of girls doing cartwheels, bush sticking out, sleek looking panthers save for that tuft of hair... I guess living in Germany has desensitized me to body hair more than I care to admit.

I would probably still go to the salon for a landscaping job, but a part of me is saying that a little bush isn't as bad as I think it is. I'm curious how many girls have decided to bring the bush back. Do men prefer the bald eagle or the bush look? Since we (I) decided to do this because I thought men liked it in the bedroom. I think men got into this whole "you have to wax!" thing because of porn, and I suspect this is also the reason why in my experience (non-Filipino) men have been asking their wives and girfriends to try out anal.

Amiexpat's Blankenhainer Kirschkuchen Challenge!

I took Amiexpat's Blankenhainer Cherry Cake Challenge, and I almost blew up my mixer because of it!

The first part of the recipe said that I should beat the yolks with sugar until it was "foamy." Since I had no experience beating up yolks to a foam, I thought that It would puff up like egg whites. I beat the eggs with my mixer a good fifteen minutes, and got something that looked like pancake batter. Is it supposed to look that way?

I googled "beat yolks foamy" and I found out that foamy egg yolks should be lemony-colored. I long passed that stage! I guess I overbeat the yolks. Oops. My mixer was really hot to the touch and smelled like rubber, and I didn't want to use it to beat the whites, but I needed my mixer. Thank God it didn't explode on me.

It was a breeze to do the rest. What I liked about the cake was that it didn't call for any shortening or leavening agents, and I was curious how THAT would turn out.

I don't have a cherry pit remover. I used 350 grams of preserved cherries and 150 grams of fresh cherries that I pitted myself. Like Amiexpat, I basically split the cherries in half with a paring knife and chucked it in. I baked it for 30 minutes. The cake didn't look ready at the 20 minute mark as suggested in the recipe, and judging from Amiexpat's experience, it seemed like the right thing to do.

What I liked about the cake was that it wasn't so sweet. I sprinkled brown sugar over the cake, and it really needed that extra sweetness. I had some batter left over and put it in a separate baking pan, but didn't sprinkle sugar over it, so it wasn't as sweet as I wanted it. The crushed almonds gave the cake a nice crunch and texture, I think I'll use more ground almonds in my recipes.

The consistency of the cake was actually more bread-like,kind of dry. I think that it had to do with me overbeating the yolks. I'll try to go easy on the mixer next time.

Little Miss Suzy Homemaker

One common denominator of the expat experience is missing the food one grew up with. It is the only reason why I continue to pick up Yakult from my local supermarket. It's brand familiarity, and I suspect I wouldn't be so loyal to the brand if I were back home.

There are things that I miss so much right now, especially at this time, that I cannot have. Roast pig or lechon, which Anthony Bourdain raved about, and pancit malabon. Normally, I would not even touch lechon at a fiesta banquet back home. Too fatty, and I never liked the sauce, which is made of ground pork liver. Now I think about it like a woman obsessed.

Many expats have learned to deal with this by making things from scratch. In the Philippines I had the luxury of a maid, and the fact that my favorite rice cake is readily available at the next street corner. Though I cannot make fresh coconut juice, (please don't tell me you can get it in Germany, it is just not the same) I can occasionally savor fresh Philippine mangoes, a luxury. I have made my own pancakes, french toast, mac and cheese casserole.

I actually have become really good at cooking Pinoy and German food, using only fresh ingredients easily sourced in Germany, without relying on mixes. Since there aren't any Filipino stores in a 100 mile radius, the Chinese and Vietnamese shops supply me with things that we have in common.

I have learned to make a really mean Lumpiang shanghai, Suman sa Latik, and cook munggong guisado, Chicken Afritada, Chicken curry,Guinataang manok, Pinoy style sweet spaghetti (with hotdogs!) and even Itlog na maalat. If you need to make palitao I can whip up galapong for you.

My successes in the kitchen have prompted me to be more adventurous, and now could even make sauce hollandaise from scratch, even if I could get it here store bought. Today I made my own pork stock, and my own tomato sauce to make chicken afritada. Thomas and I both noticed how much more pronounced the flavors were. I think it was the home made stock and sauce. It kind of took me aback today to realize that I'd rather eat jam that I made myself rather than buying it from the store.

I have always liked to cook and bake, but now, seeing myself turn into Martha Stewart, I feel a weird sense of accomplishment.

The Good, The Bad, and the Superstitious

Growing up in the Philippines, I've been surrounded with stories of ghouls and goblins lurking in the night, evil spirits possessing an entire class of schoolchildren (it even makes the 6 o'clock news back home), and white ladies floating and appearing on video (it even made the pages of the Philippine Daily Inquirer, the country's most respected broadsheet).

I thought Germany, with its emphasis on logic and reason, would be different. Boy, was I wrong.

I lived with my MIL during my first months here, and though she went to college, she came from a farming family in the boondocks, and she held on to a lot of old wives' tales from her childhood. Things like drafts from windows left ajar and going out with wet hair in winter could give you a cold, and such nonsense.

In the Philippines, before the advent of ultrasound, people would guess the baby's gender by looking at the mom. If a woman is "blooming" (read, glowing or very attractive), it means that she's having a girl. If a woman is less attractive while pregnant, and has a darker neck, elbows, and armpits, then it's a boy.

Here in Germany, my MIL has, what I feel, a more patriarchal belief. She says that my skin looks rougher now than when I was not pregnant, and concluded that I am having a girl "because a girl takes away her mother's beauty." Ouch. It lends a more sinister, Snow White and her evil stepmom spin to my pregnancy, something I would rather live without.

And there is this fear of flying. I would really, desperately want to have my mom be here for my birth. I don't want to have my baby with just my MIL around. To be quite honest, I don't trust her and I don't really want her around my happy day, for reasons I don't want to elaborate here. But if my mom comes here, I would have to foot the bill, cos she's paying the mortgage of a house that my family just bought. Thomas says that I would have to choose between her coming here or us flying back. And for the both of us, we'd rather fly back and escape the winter.

The moment I announced I was pregnant, and told one of my classes I wanted to fly back in December (my baby would be two months old by then), they all said that it would be a horrific mistake, that it isn't good for my baby, and my baby's ears will pop and I would render it deaf, So I looked it up on the internet, and it was quite interesting what I found. When I typed up the question in German, I got this doom and gloom prognosis from German parents, but German pediatrician websites said that it was all right. In English websites, they were so relaxed about the whole thing that they only said that if you want to be really sure about it, wait until the 2nd month, when the baby's immune system is strong enough to fight whatever bugs are floating around in the cabin.

I've always hated it when other people try to impose their beliefs on others, and that's why though I am Catholic, I've been against preaching and "spreading the Good News." And when other people impose their superstitions on me and pass them on as medical fact, it makes me angry. Why frighten a pregnant woman unnecessarily?

Thank God.

Filipino in Deutschland Sucht den Superstar

Filipinos or half-Pinoys/Pinays have been successful in shows like American Idol and Britain's Got Talent. Now, it's Marc Jentzen's turn to conquer the German version of AI and BGT, Deutschland Sucht den Superstar.

Born in Bonn from a Filipina mother and a German Father, he had a rough childhood. His parents divorced as he was 2, and spent a year in an orphanage when he was 14 because his mom had to fly home to care for her ailing mother.

Filipinos in Germany, please vote for Marc!

Who Wants to Read "Wetlands"?

I was waiting for the bus in the train station bookstore when I saw the English version of "Feuchtgebiete," that raunchy, raunchy novel about love, longing, and avocadoes.

I have a high tolerance level for dirty words, but even Feuchtgebeite was too much for me. I had to lay it down for three weeks and mustered all my courage to finish the damned thing.

It seems that instead of going for the subtlety, the translators seem to have gone the "American Pie" route. Same shocking pink cover, but "Wetlands" was written in '70s porn font superimposed over half an avocado.

The translation seemed clunky and literal. I can imagine a German teenager talking like Tina Mehmel, but I can't imagine an English-speaking teenager talking like the Helen Mehmel in Wetlands. The English syntax was lifted from the German, it seems. I would like to buy it, just to compare, but I don't know if I could stomach reading the book again.