Pipette Dreams

I had very vivid dreams as a teen. Dreams of flying, of war, dreams that stay and haunt me in my waking hours.

My dreams react to stresses of everyday life. I once was in a relationship that I felt sucked the life out of me, and I swear, my vivid dreams in color turned black and white. While working at a dead end job, I had a scary dream of bouncing around a windowless white room that had no exits.

They stopped in my mid twenties. I probably found some peace, or maybe my hormones stopped working overtime. In any case, I still dreamt, but they were forgettable. I would have to write them down after waking up if I wanted to remember.

For some reason, I have had really intense nightmares ever since becoming pregnant. These dreams usually involve family members being tortured or attacking me. Thomas would wake me up because I would howl or cry in my sleep. I once woke up with a gasp after dreaming that my aunt was about to poke my eye out with a pair of scissors because I said something silly. Not fun.

Last night was the strangest dream yet. I dreamt that I had my baby, and my baby was a blue toy pipette. It was a stuffed toy, with a blue cushion of a head and a glass tubed body like in mercury thermometers. It had a face and a small cartoony mouth. I remember feeling horrified and mystified. Why is my baby a pipette? It made crying baby sounds out of its mouth. I didn't want to touch it, it scared me. When I finally touched it, it felt like a baby, with baby warmth and baby smell. I cradled it in my arms, and the body widened. Every time I looked away and looked back at the baby, it slowly transformed into a real baby. At the end it looked like a real baby, and then I started breastfeeding.

I was so disturbed by this dream that I told everybody I met today about it because telling people makes me less scared. Now I am telling you guys because I want to feel less scared of my dream.