Forgiveness

Events that took place in my life last week had been a lesson in humility. I realized that I can't win all the battles I pick, and sometimes I could gain more from losing than from victory. I don't realy feel defeated; I feel surrender would be better word to describe my sentiments.

To let go of things I cannot change. To accept inalienable truths about other people. That I don't have to fight for things I want all the time. That I was critical of other people because actually, I felt that I was not perfect.

I thought I had let go of my hard-heartedness, but I was wrong. I had counseled Jei to let go of his bitterness. That sometimes, we all have to take the bitter pill by swallowing our pride in order to be "the bigger man." It hurts but it has to be done. I don't want to be a person filled with hate and anger. I don't want to live with bitterness in my heart. I realized that I had to put my money where my mouth is.

I had sought refuge and counsel from friends and mentors. I had done a lot of thinking. Poured all my emotions both positive and negative in my journal. I had made peace with an old demon, resolved to stop feeding it. Hopefully, I will be able to keep it at bay.

I had e-mailed an old boyfriend who hurt me a lot and I'm pretty sure I hurt a lot as well. I made a lot of apologies to a lot of people. I tried to reach as many people whom I felt I needed to make peace with. I would contact them all if I could find them.

I feel joyful. It pays to be the bigger man.