Love is something that cannot be forced. And I'm kicking myself right now because I can't give it to a guy who wants to love me.
Jei (from my Hey, Jealousy entry) had broken up with Jo two weeks ago. Being a good friend, I had been helping him mend, hanging out more frequently than we usually do. Last Monday I took him around Intramuros. It was his first time, and admittedly there was something electric in the air. We sat on top of the ramparts, looking at the golfers and had a great conversation about the night sky. He told me about his childhood in Saudi Arabia, and I introduced the city to him. Apparently to him, he felt that the electricity was between us.
I had told him about my heartache with the writer, how rejected I felt and how torn up I had been because he couldn't love me back, despite what I was willing to offer him. And I listened to him as he poured out his bitterness.
Today, we went to see this French movie about two ill-fated mad-cap lovers. Then I took him to Baywalk along Roxas Boulevard because he hasn't been there, either.
Tonight, at the steps leading to my front door in Makati. He confessed that he had feelings for me and gave me a silver jewelry set. He told me that I shouldn't feel guilty because I couldn't give him what he wanted from me. He said things that I wanted to hear from the writer. Here he was, willing to offer me his heart. But my heart was telling me that Jei wouldn't make me happy in the long run. Jei isn't the one.
I asked him if he was on the rebound. He said that he had a thing for me even before he and Jo broke up, but he only decided to go for it after last Monday, "with the moon, the stars, your gorgeous eyes and pretty hair."
I feel so bad because he is cute, he is smart. He's basically the perfect guy. But he's not perfect for me. He said that I was being stupid for holding out for someone who was hurting me, and said that I shouldn't be confiding in him anymore because it hurts him every time he hears me tell a new story about a new guy and how much this guy was taking me for granted.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????
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5 comments:
I think your brain and your heart are duking it out for the guy... or were just carried away by the moment.. ^_^
Nothing's wrong with you.
I think you really said it yourself - love cannot be forced. If you don't love him, you don't love him. Maybe that'll change in the future, but for now, if you don't, then you don't.
Keep in mind, though, that it works both ways. If someone doesn't love you, then that someone doesn't love you. That may change, yes, but holding one's breath waiting for it to happen will only mean that you'll run out of air.
I agree with Sean.There's nothing wrong with you.You know what you want and unfortunately for Jei, he's not really what you wnated in the long run.
There's a saying that goes "the first reaction is always correct".In this case....your first feelings/reaction about when Jei confessed to you regarding on how he feels for you.....You more or less had doubts about the whole thing, and well....if you had doubts about something in the beginning, chances are....things usually wont end very well.
And sorry to hear about how things didn't work out with you and the writer.I was rooting and hoping that it all would work out coz he really sounded right for ya.Anyhoo....just remember what you told me months ago; there's still plenty of fish in the sea(or something like that).
I agree with Sean.There's nothing wrong with you.You know what you want and unfortunately for Jei, he's not really what you wnated in the long run.
There's a saying that goes "the first reaction is always correct".In this case....your first feelings/reaction about when Jei confessed to you regarding on how he feels for you.....You more or less had doubts about the whole thing, and well....if you had doubts about something in the beginning, chances are....things usually wont end very well.
And sorry to hear about how things didn't work out with you and the writer.I was rooting and hoping that it all would work out coz he really sounded right for ya.Anyhoo....just remember what you told me months ago; there's still plenty of fish in the sea(or something like that).
oh sweetheart, nothing's wrong with you. the time's just not right. why force it? i admire you for knowing that although right before you is the perfect guy, he's not the one. ganon talaga e.
as for the silver set? enjoy!!!! yeah. :)
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