Belly of the Beast

As regular readers of my blog know, my favorite aunt has not been a fan of the Cathy-Thom pairing since day 1. I love her to bits, I really do, and she has been very supportive of my endeavors. However, I only lately have realized how much she thinks of me as an extension of herself, and how highly she thinks of me.

You see, she married her on-off boyfriend of 20 years (with 7 years of separation, with 2 marriages on his part) when she was 40. She prides herself for having 'high moral values.' She has pushed unto me many of my present activities like Toastmasters, living alone, and voice lessons, all which I agreed upon because I thought these endeavors are in my best interest. She doesn't appprove of my cosplaying, and so I keep her in the dark about my hobby, and other extra-curriculars, specifically those mentioned in this blog.

Like with all my endeavors, my family is tolerant of my relationship with Thom. My brother and sister are especially cool with it, while my parents have adopted a wait and see attitude. My aunt's opinion on anything is a constant specter that haunts our family life. Though she is in the US, she still has a tight reign over family affairs, and she has the ability to sway people with her opinion, mostly due to her deep American pockets.

She has disapproved of my going on trips with Thomas, and let me have it last Sunday. Gosh, the things she said were so hurtful that I started crying. Worse, Thom was beside me to witness it.

We were in my home in Paranaque for a visit. My aunt's husband is home for a week-long vacation. After a heavy lunch, we were lying down side by side in my sister's bedroom.

Since I started going out with Thom, I had avoided conversations with my aunt, because I knew she disapproved of us. Thom and I were also in Paranaque on Saturday, and he had a Yahoo conversation with my aunt in the States. I thought everything was settled. Our phone conversation the next day proved otherwise.

"Ano, sanay na kayo matulog ng magkatabi, ano? Tarantada ka! Siguro mag-katabi na kayo matulog. Narinig mo ba yung sinabi niya kahapon? Ni hindi man lang niya sinabi na mahal ka niya! Ni wala man lang siyang sinabi na 'Oh, Cathy is so great and amazing!' Ang sinabi lang niya, pumunta ka sa Germany para magtrabaho. Gusto ka niya gawing sugar mommy. Masyado yang bata, wala pa sa isip nyan mag-asawa. Ikaw pa ang lalabas na susuporta sa kanya. Ang swerte naman niyan, may maid na siya, may ka-sex pa! Ni hindi ka yata niligawan niyan! Ipakita mo naman na may dignidad ka, na may values ka, na hindi basta-basta ang Pinay!"

(You're probably so used to sleeping together. You bitch! You heard what he said yesterday? He didn't even tell me that he loved you, that 'Oh, Cathy is so amazing!' All he said that is you need to go to Germany to work. He wants to make you his sugar mommy. He's so young, that marriage is not on his mind yet. You will end up supporting him . He's so lucky, he has a maid and somebody to fuck! I don't think he even courted you! Show him that you have dignity, that you have values, that a Filipina isn't easy to get!)

Thom was so mad. He never experienced being discriminated against. He said that from someone who claims to be Christian, that was the most un-Christian display of behavior he has seen.

I do understand where she is coming from. I know that she has a point. The thing is, this is my life and even if she says that she doesn't want me to end up crying in the end, her shrill speech showed that she doesn't trust me as someone who is capable of running her own life.

I have had a good life so far. I, too, have reservations about moving to Germany. It means that I will start over again, at a time my career here is booming. But we will see. All I know is, I want to ride this out. Screw her. I don't think I want to talk to my aunt ever again. Thank you for being my guiding light, but sorry, Tita, you have pushed me too far. Just because you helped me through some tough times doesn't mean that you have a grip over me.

I think Thom and I have a chance together. Over dinner last night, I told him that I was going to attend a press conference in the American Embassy today, in "the belly of the beast." I thought that he would get this idiom, since he has been outspoken about President Bush's policies. However, he asked me to explain. I told him that this means, I will go to the house of the devil.

Wide-eyed, he goes, "Oh, you mean your house in Paranaque?"

And I laughed at the face of the devil.



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