A Crisis of Faith

I know that I write a lot about sex and dirty things here in my blog. In the Philippines, I found it easy to reconcile these things with being Catholic, because in the Philippines, everybody is Catholic, but people still go on with their merry lives. What we have are men and women who engage in pre-marital sex, but are afraid to use contraception because of Church teachings.

I am ashamed to say that I only took responsibility for my own fertility at the ripe old age of 27. All because my mother in law gave me an incredulous look and dragged me to the nearest gynecologist when I said that I used the natural family planning methods. What can I say? How can I expect you guys to understand my position? I have always been sexually liberated, but I was never taught artificial contraception in school and in University. I went to a Catholic University and an all girls Catholic school. We were taught natural methods but not artificial contraception. When artificial contraception was mentioned, the words "evil" and "abortifacient" and "cause for future infertility" came up. When I had a yeast infection, my gynecologist suggested that I "get married" to "save myself these worries." Luckily for me, I have regular periods and the natural family planning methods worked wonderfully. And I also used condoms, but not always correctly. My bad, but I dodged a bullet. However, my sister was and is not so lucky in that respect.

Here in Germany, religion is less a social tradition and more a personal belief (überzeugung). And here in Germany, I became more mature, mentally and spiritually.

And here comes my personal crisis, a philosophical question, if you will. I like being Catholic. I like the traditions, I like the sense of unity. I believe in God. I like the Catholic version of God. I don't regret being baptized, and I will not reject the overall values of the Catholic Church. I pay Church tax willingly.

However, I can't reconcile it with what the Church is doing in the Philippines: butting its nose in government affairs, forcing its views on a country, where not everybody is Catholic. I am considering stepping out of the Church, but I am still agonizing over this decision. Should I stay or should I go?