Looking Back...Looking Forward

I have to get this out of the way first...I had a good hair day today! I am soo happy! I was thinking of getting a haircut, then today I had a good hair day, which let me see all the possibilities that my hair can achieve! It looks like Sharon Cuneta's hairdo during her PS I Love You days.

I was scanning my Friendster account and I had the itch to check out my ex's file. C'mon people, who hasn't done it? Friendster has been so convenient in tracking down old connections, you might as well try to sneak in a peek at what your old flame has been up to. But instead of looking at his account, I decided to check his current girlfriend's account. And what I saw made me disappointed in myself. When we broke up, I led myself to believe *mark my words you dickhead* that he will never have it as good as me. It seems that he has found better. I felt good for him in a way but surprisingly bad at myself. Seems that girlie here is a little more academically accomplished than me, though I am prettier (ha!) It's like being in a locker room where girls compare body attributes...except the girl doesn't know that I'm measuring myself against her.
A post-shopping/merienda conference with two of my favorite friends helped me decipher this weird human compulsion. Girlfriend attributed it to the fact where you want to see that you have actually done better than your ex. Smug at your superiority, we bask in the fact that we are "better than the Joneses."

"But what happens when you find out that he actually has traded up...better than you?"

Boyfriend: "Then you go, 'What did she see in that loser?'"

Ahhh...sourgraping. The favorite hobby of the bitter. But I vowed never to return to being rancid.

I know it's bad to compare, whether you're on top or on the bottom rung. We're two different people. If there's anything I've learned living with my sister, comparing two people is like comparing apples and oranges. Well, I'm definitely over him. I guess I've learned my lesson: Never look at an ex's account ever again, even to snoop! It opens old wounds.

Seeing two of my friends attached to the unlikeliest men has got me thinking...Maybe I should consider dating a guy less attractive than I am. I've always had a weak spot for good-looking men, and it seems to have gotten me nowhere. Like other women who have decided to "settle," they probably have found out that guys who are not very attractive aren't too distracted by their ego to lose focus in the relationship. It may be that I haven't found the right guy, but could it be possible that I may be raising the bar too high? That I am actually discounting a lot of great but not very cute men out there? That I am a shallow betch (hi Chona!)? That they know something that I have't realized yet? That they're ahead of the game than I am? These guys may not be my type...

I attended the Toastmasters International-Luzon conference today and this guy who I've known for sometime was totally flirting with me. Some of my fellow Toastmasters thought that we were an item. I just went along with the game. I'm not sure if he wants a relationship or some ass, but it kinda got me thinking...
...Sure he ain't hot.
...but hooking up with him isn't unfeasible.
We have a lot in common...i like him, though not really that way...
...and the thought of sleeping with him doesn't repulse me...
hmmm...

We'll see what happens on Sunday. He sent me a text message tonight, saying that he wished he booked a room at the hotel where the convention was held so we could've "talked all night." Yeah, right.
Oh well... should I settle? Are un-cute men the future?