Everybody Changes/Palaisipan/ Mein Lebensrätsel

A year hence, and I still find it hard to believe how radically my life has changed.
It's basically the same routine. I wake up early, I walk through the city streets, I go to work. Go home knackered. Cook dinner. Watch TV. Sleep.

Aber es ist doch anders. Ich bin in Manila letztes Jahr gelaufen. Jetzt ist die Stadt Erfurt. Es ist immer noch unvorstellbar, dass die Leute im Fernsehen Deutsch sprechen. dass ich Euros verdiene, dass dieses Land in einem Tag wunderschön warm und dann wieder 15 Grad kalt werden kann. Europa ist jetzt mein Wahrheit, nicht mehr mein Traum.

Pero malaki ang katumbas ng aking mga pangarap. Minsan pakiramdam ko naghahalo-halo na ang mga wika sa utak ko. Minsan hindi ka maintindihan ng mga tao. Bakit mo ginagawa ito? Bakit mo ginagawa iyan? Hindi talaga maiintindihan ng mga Aleman bakit mas maganda ang Maynila sa aking mga mata kaysa sa mga siyudad nila. Matindi pa rin ang pangungulila ko sa lahat ng may kinalaman sa Pinoy. Siguro dahil bihira akong makipag-halubilo sa mga Pinoy. Dito sa siyudad kung saan ako nakatira, kahit sa Jena, wala akong nakilalang Pinoy na galing Pinas. Kung dati hindi ako nanonood ng The Buzz noong nasa atin pa tayo, updated ako ngayon sa Gretchen-John Estrada issue! Kabobohan, di ba? Pero minsan mas gusto ko pang manood ng kabobohan, maibsan lang ang pamamahay ko. Kasi kahit dito ako nakatira, kahit alam ko ang wika nila, pakiramdam ko pa rin na hindi ako taga-rito.

One thing that I like in my new country is that mostly everybody devotes their brainpower to something useful, unlike in my Motherland. Everything there is bogged down by chismis and politics. I find my current work more stimulating and challenging than my previous job. I work in an international environment, with Americans, Germans, Argentinians, Canadians, South Africans, Cubans and the French, all under one roof! I like my job more than I ever thought I would. I like teaching. I discovered reserves of patience I never thought I had.

Es ist gerarde passiert, aber es wird noch Neuigkeiten in die nächste Monate. Bald werde ich in der Uni gehen. Bald wird mein Leben wieder ändern. Bald wird noch mein Lebenszustand auch anders sein. Manchmal mein Leben bewegt sich so schnell, dass ich sprachlos bin! Einem Jahr ist nicht genug alles zu schlucken. Mein Leben ist nur ständig Änderungen. Ich kann kaum atmen, vor der nächsten Kurve kommt.

I am still trying to come to grips with all the new changes, and the coming changes in my life. Part of me feels grateful that I am living a dream, a part of me wants to go back and be safe. To go to a place to where I know everything, to where I know the language and the rules of the game.

Ganoon ba talaga? Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nanghihinayang sa nakaraan. Siguro dahil kapag tumingin ako sa harap, hindi ako sigurado kung ano ang ano ang aking magiging kinabukasan. I see a new curveball coming! Hay, heto nanaman!