Be You.

"It cost me a lot to be authentic. . . Because a woman is more authentic the more she looks like what she has dreamed for herself."
--Agrado, Todo Sobre Mi Madre

I have a pretty manic personality, and I have really no control over what to fixate upon. I don't know why I like something, and when I do, I just go crazy with it. I think it. I eat it. I breathe it.

Sometimes this mania will last for years. It will die out just as suddenly it started, and no amount of force on my part can make me want to revisit my manias. Sometimes it stays with me. Some manias I have had when I was 16 or 17 are still with me to this day.

I have always had geeky interests. When I was 8 or 9, The Real Ghostbusters (the cartoon) was on air, and I would never miss an episode, ever. I would park myself in front of our TV, and I would write down which ghost appeared on what day on one of my school notebooks. When I was 14, I wrote fan mail and poems to Gillian Anderson and
David Duchovny.

I have always been interested in traveling to other places, even when I was a kid. I just didn't really have the opportunity to visit other countries, but I would say that I knew Manila well by the time I was 10. My Grandma took me with her on her trips whenever she could, and she had itchy feet. I guess I caught her bug, and I wanted to travel the Philippines, too.

But what really made me dream, and dream big, was a TV show on the Discovery Channel called Travelers. I was 16, about the time my parents decided to subscribe cable TV. I watched it whenever I could. The show revolved around six Americans who visited obscure festivals around the world. I loved it so much that I also had a notebook wherein I wrote down the country and city they went to, date of airing, hosts present. This show made me dream that someday, I would go and see the Boi Bumba festival. How do I get there? How can I be a part of it? It was one of the reasons why I went to Journ School in college, because I knew I had a gift for communication, and journalists go places, right?

My parents had other ideas for me. You want to travel? Go be a stewardess.

This short-sightedness frustrated me for so long. When I got my degree, I wanted to embark on my great Philippine adventure. I wanted to travel the width and breadth of my country, but my parents forbade me. Too dangerous, they said. I listened to them, and stayed put. This is not strange in the Philippines, as my 25 year old brother still lives at home and gets "Wer r u?" text messages from my mother at 12 midnight.

I slugged away at my job, got a boyfriend, split up, ended up depressed, and became obsessed with anime, eventually cosplay. It was the only thing that made me smile at the time. I would sit and watch anime an average of 6 hours a day. I was around 22 or 23.

Then I met Thomas.

He gave me the courage to actually use all the money I have saved all these years at the bank and with him, I discovered the Philippines. I had also seen parts of the Philippines with my Grandma, and we embarked on our great adventure together in 2004. But with Thomas, I had the courage to visit unknown places, not just places where we knew people. Basically, he gave me the courage to continue something that my Grandma started.

And now I am here in Barcelona and learning Spanish! I still can't believe it, and I am eternally grateful for having this opportunity, and the opportunity to become my real self: A citizen of the world.