Of Art and Fearlessness

The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.--Sylvia Plath

What is art? Is it really just self-expression? Does art really carry a responsibility to engender a better society? with the purpose of relating to people at the most fundamentally human level?

I am caught between two opposing thoughts. As an artist, I want to push boundaries. At the same time, I don't want to step on other people's feelings.

My writing, my work, and my subject matters are very personal. In cosplaying, in whatever I do, I tend to give a lot of myself. That's the way I do things. I try not to do things half-way because to me, half-way is half-baked, and to give somebody a half-baked version of yourself is unfair. I write about the people I know, things I have been through. Though I make light of a lot my experiences, most of the situations that I write about were painful when it happened. My sense of humor or irony usually pulled me through.

Many a blogger has questioned when to draw the line in revealing information about themselves. How much is too much? How much of yourself are you willing to put on display?

Already, I have been asked by a friend whom I have written about to delete information in a post that included him. I told him that he doesn't have the right to ask that of me, since his marauding girlfriend involved me in that situation in the first place.

It is impractical to reveal too much of yourself, since people with unkind intentions may use that information against you. In my case, it is becoming almost impossible for me to remain anonymous. Most of the people who read my blog know me personally, and I have become acquainted with many of the people who were strangers to me when they first read my blog. It is a fine recipe for the unwitting trampling on sensibilities and sensitivities. Try as I might to limit my readership to a valued circle of friends and acquaintances, I know that posting my stories online also opens my life to strangers, thereby exposing myself to further judgment.

I never hold my opinions, my thoughts sacred, because I know that somewhere down the line I may change my mind. When I write, I write freely, simply. I call a spade a spade. Whatever is written is my opinion, my feeling at the time. I myself will evolve in time. Whatever I write is a snapshot of me at a time, a version of me that will never be the same thing at any other time in my life.

It is getting more difficult for me to post my misadventures without the fear of reprisal or judgment. I am a firm believer of respecting opinions, even those that are contrary to yours. But it doesn't mean that I am not hurt when I hear them, that I don't bleed when they're dished out. I am also not the sort to indiscriminately give away my thoughts. I don't belive in censorship, because I am a firm believer of personal responsibility, of facing the consequences of my actions.

I don't want to write a blog where I feel like I have to censor what I say because Joe Blow has trouble swallowing my opinons. However, I am also afraid that I might end up hurting people who are important to me because of what I say. I don't like lying, or obscuring myself but unfortunately, it is the grease that oils human relations. I think that a lot of my material comes from my unspoken opinions. Whatever I mouth off may be kind, or cruel, but whatever I come up with, I know that there will always be a backlash. Am I ready to face it? Is it worth the risk.

I wish I were as fearless, or as foolhardy, as Tracey Emin.