Up Yours!

The thing about being a person who is at peace with with her sexuality is that it allows people around me to let their guard down and confide details about their sexual activities that I feel should really be kept private. Sometimes, people have to learn how to spare me from losing sleep over unwelcome mental images. But then again, if I can dish it out, I guess I also have to take it in.

I have a close male friend, with whom I can engage in sexual banter comfortably. Out of the blue, he suddenly asks me:

"Hey, have you ever tried going anal?'
"What?"
"You know, have you tried getting f*ed in the butt?"
"Hell no! Why would I want to do anything like that?"
"Well..." a sly grin creeps across his face, "I have."
Classic. This is one of the few moments in my life where I have been caught utterly speechless. My jaw dropped and I couldn't stop myself from blubbering.
"Oh my. Oh my goodness! Oh crap. Really?"
"Really," with a twinkle in his eye.
I think the guy is actually happy that he was able to one-up me sexually.
"You mean to tell me that you haven't done it before? How weird! I mean you have been with all these guys. I can count the girls I've been with with one hand. And you're telling me that you haven't tried it?"
"Well, for me, to be able to do something like that requires a lot of trust. I haven't been in a relationship with a guy long enough to trust myself and and be free enough to do that."
He shakes his head. "Really...I can't believe it. All these guys, and no anal."
"Did it hurt?"
"No it didn't. Actually it's great! I mean, I can come more quickly because the hole is tighter. When I am at the point of orgasm, I switch sides. Good for me, good for her."
"Ah...did she hurt? She must be in pain."
"No. Actually, she likes it."
"Aren't you afraid that you might be giving her a hernia?"
He shrugs, "Not really."
"Did you use a lubricant?"
"Nah. Using condoms are fine. Just change condoms when switching sides."
At this point I cringe and my hand unconsciously wanders to my ass.
"No lubricants?"
"No."
Mercifully, he spares me the identity of the girl he did it with. I have had the pleasure of meeting some of his girls, and I begin to mentally take note of my suspects. With his boyish good looks, he didn't seem like the type who would do something like this.
"Really," he shakes his head again," all those guys, and no anal."
"You're making it sound like it's a bad thing."
"Not really. I'm just shocked. I expected that you'd be into something like that."
Curious, I sit there, in fascination, in awe, and mostly in sympathetic pain. Dude, that must be the one of the grossest things I've heard all week. But I choose to be wise and keep my mouth shut.