Reactions I got when I told people of my plan to be an ate :
my Sister Camille: Anu yun, ate with benefits?
my friend Marga girl: Okay yun! He needs one!
I went to his place last Wednesday. Marga and I were in the neighborhood and we figured... (hey, we were really in the neighborhood!)
He was shocked to see us, to say the least. Very uncomfortable too...figety and everything. It was an unsettling reunion. Small talk, more lies about how well he was doing. I could clearly see that his family was in desperate straits. Not dire. Desperate. I really wanted to help him. I wouldn't put it beyond him to prostitute himself for material wealth. He is that kind of guy, after all, easily impressed by flashy material goods and the promise of money. My sister said that since we've crossed the line, there's no telling whether we'd fuck again if we're in close proximity. He is probably avoiding me. That's okay. I just want him to know that I'm available if he needs help.
Oh well, I could choose to turn a blind eye to it. I called his house yesterday to check on him and explain my current intentions. His brother answered, as usual, telling me his brother wasn't home. He asked me if I was his brother's girlfriend. Haha. Funny sidebar. He has no idea.
Enough of my fucked-up stuff.
Its funny, how most "singles" columns and movies dedicated to single people are nothing more than rants or justifications of why they're single, and defensive essays on how great single life is. Actually, it is great. I only feel like myself when I'm single. Whenever I'm with somebody, I feel like I have to walk on tiptoes around him. I honestly am not in the marriage mode, or in the relationship mode, or anything of the sort. It would be great to be with someone, but anyone who knows me would tell you that I'm doing pretty great on my own. I may have this weird anti-vulnerability complex, but it doesn't mean that I'm any sorrier or happier than the "smug marrieds." I hate this perception that singles are the walking wounded, pining for someone, longing for someone unknown, or worse, Bridget Jones clones, all man-crazy. I'm man crazy, but not crazy enough to latch myself on the first available penis with the foggiest promise of a serious relationship, or a ring!
The marrieds may live longer, but I'll bet my bottom dollar that 60 percent of them envy me. haha! take that Bridget Jones!
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1 comment:
Hmf. I'd still keep my guard up. Been there, done that. Anyway, just take care k? I wouldn't want anyone taking advantage or anything :)
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