I Dream of Yummy Chocolate-Covered models

I've never really been a Cosmo girl. I'm not a big fan of The Rules either. I prefer looking at FHM. That said....

The Cosmo Bachelor Bash was A BLAST!

The characters of this tale are me, my sister, my friend Leslie, my sister's friend April and her officemate CJ (hot but gay) at around 8...As I was in my best Carrie-inspired outfit (Mango cleavage-baring denim dress and colorful abaca-fiber bag), I scanned the long lines and surveyed the crowd...lotsa women and more than a smattering of pa-mhin gays and "meterosexual" closet queens. After we finally got in, we weaved our way through the crowd, celebrity-spotting...models galore, all unfortunately probably attached. The men there were either hot models, jealous bfs and the aforementioned closet cases. Icky gay bar graduates gyrated and rubbed their pelvises in an attempt to attract women. These model types, they aren't exactly my cup o' tea ya see.

After enduring a sweaty two hours of waiting partly eased by the iced vodkas that flowed freely, the show finally begun. But wait! No! Host Angel Jacob had to keep us waiting even more. She had a few parlor games in store for the crowd. After a lackluster couple of minutes, she announced that there was gonna be an "Astring-o-sol Kissing game." I gasped. I had to enter this contest. I have never lost a kissing game. Ever. And I usually kiss complete strangers!
Three models came in to offer themselves to us (me). I.. just.. had.. to.. get.. in..
So i just strutted up front to volunteer myself. We were supposed to smear and lick off chocolate syrup on the model's "hottest body part." I chose the second model, the yummiest of the bunch. Tisoy and flawless! He actually looked like Carlo, a guy who I've been flirting with but never went out with because of his reputation as a player. I introduced myself to the crowd. Volunteers included a mahinhin-type and a chubby girl in a miniskirt.
Me: May gf ka ba?
Model: Meron.
Me. Uy wag ka magagalit ah. Plese tell her wag shang magseselos, game lang to. Paglalaruan lang naman kita eh. Ok lang ba yun?
Model: (nervously) Ah, Oo.
Me: GAme lang naman to eh. You can touch anything except my breasts (my cardinal rule in these contests)
Scanning him head to toe....
Me: ON second thought, Kahit ano puwede! BAsta game lang to ha, wala sanang magagalit
Model: Ah wala naman! (Ganon!?)
First girl smears chocolate over guys nipples and licks it off. I was strategizing my move.
Me: I want you to lie down on the floor. Ok lang ba yun?
Model : Ha?
Our turn.
He starts to lay on his back. I turn him over (YEA BABY I AM A DOMINATRIX BITCH!) and with his head facing the end of thte runway. I straddle him and pour chocolate on his mouth, his neck, down to his navel. If I could've gone lower I wouldn't mind :P and proceeded to lick him from his mouth to navel. The crowd goes wild. I then wipe off excess chocolate from his chest bowl with my fingers and lick him. John Lapus, whom was seated at the VIP area, was salivating at the model, I swear.
The third girl.
My model was so yummy that I kept on licking him even after our turn was up, as I was thanking him for being such a good sport. He was so sweet, smiling as he handed over wet wipes to wipe off the chocolate smeared all over my face, hands, and cleavage.
Third girl of course had to upstage me. Upright, she straddles the model, gets model to lift her legs, and as she simulated sex, licked him everywhere. Model was definitely not digging the chick, and drew his face away whenever she tried to get close to his lips. Of course third girl won.
As she was distributing the prizes...
Host Angel Jacob (to me): Okay lang naman, at least naka-halik ka! (luka-luka!)
BAck at home base with my friends, my sister, as usual, shook her head. She is more than used to my stupid human stunts (like last Halloween night). My other companions, unused to seeing this side of me, said that "Okay lang na talo ka! Grabe naman yun babae, ano napatunayan nun? panalo sha sa pagka ***-***? " and "Wala shang originality!"
I just smile.
The fashion show was a sweaty hour of models, taunting and teasing the crowd with the promise of "baring it all" but never really doing it. Very unoriginal. In general, I felt that the show was catered toward the gays in the crowd and not the girls, since their on-stage antics was more benta with them than the girls. Lucky Nicolette Bell, every male model strutted in front of her and gave her and Raya MAnanquil (all in the VIP section) special attention. It's too unfortunate that women are generally so uncomfortable with their sexuality that they have to rely on gay men to direct shows to flesh out these fantasies. It was all too beefcake, I no likey. Of course, they had to reserve the top 10 Centerfolds (I love you Brent Javier!) for last. Climax of the show was Christian Vasquez, attached to strings, flying over the crowd ala The Matrix.
After the event, I had my picture taken with Brent JAvier's huge poster in the NBC Tent lobby in a saucy pose (captured by the GMA-7 cameramen). John Lapus called me over. "Di ba ikaw yung babae dun sa stage?" And proceeded to interview me for "The Buzz."
John Lapus: Dalaga ka pa ba?
Me: OO!
JL: Sa Tingin mo magkaka-BF ka pagkatapos ng ginawa mo?
Me: Baka hindi na!
JL: Ano masasabi mo sa kanya (the model)?
Me: YUMMY!
JL: Sino pinunta mo dito?
Me: Si Brent Javier!
Then he proceeded to make me inggit with his Cosmo mag,with an autographed photo of Brent Javier and his notebook.
I never got to run into the model again. I wanted to get his name sana. Oh well... I am currently nervous because I'm dead if Mrs. Boss actually sees me on the BUzz. My aunt too. Oh gosh, I hope they edit my interview and clip. If I get busted, okay lang. I got to lick a yummy chocolate-covered model, with the eight bottles of Astring-o-sol and stained dress to prove it ;p